What Travel Has Taught Me about Food, Exercise, and My Relationship with My Body

I'm not typically a fruit person, but that was often the only option in El Salvador. Gotta go with the flow!

I returned from El Salvador a few days ago, and as is often typical for me when traveling, I learned more about my relationships with food and fitness. In addition, many of the lightbulb moments I experienced during my backpacking travels and while living at home with my parents a few years ago were reinforced.

When I was backpacking in Southeast Asia four years ago and while living with my parents for the summer after I graduated college, I wasn’t focused on losing fat or gaining muscle. I was determined to learn how to listen to my body, to enjoy the local cuisines, to workout to move my body when it called for it and for some alone time, and most notably, to do some serious inside work.

I wanted to improve my damaged relationship with food, and I realized that the extreme manipulation of my intake by way of restricting carbs wasn’t working. Rather, I decided to attempt to eat based on fullness and hunger cues and to understand what my body was asking for in the moment (I say “attempt” because learning to tap into this was difficult after ignoring my body for so long, so I knew it would take time); all while working to create a balance of making my body and mind feel good while participating in life. And amazing food is a very enjoyable part of life for me.

I was purely focused on my behaviors, mindset, and learning to finally connect with my body; not physical outcomes.

In Southeast Asia, most of the local cuisines are dominated by vegetables and white rice with scant amounts of meat, coconut milk (hello, curry), and the occasional baked good. I was on a serious budget, so we didn’t often partake in Western foods, and most of my diet consisted of fresh, unprocessed foods during those three months.  I definitely missed my meat at almost every meal that I was accustomed to, and I was eating far more carbohydrates than I was used to with less fat. Essentially, my diet was the opposite of the low-carb, paleo diet I had been adhering to for a few years.

A similar situation had occurred right after I graduated college and moved home to New Mexico to live with my parents before starting my full-time job in Denver. I participated in walking and yoga instead of HIIT workouts, I only started to eat when hungry and stop when satisfied, and I ate what sounded appealing to my body instead of my mind. Mind you, that was often whole and unprocessed foods, but I didn’t restrict myself if I really wanted something.

I didn’t expect my body to respond the way it did during either of these times in my life. I was incredibly perplexed by how I was able to lose weight without consciously trying to do so.

After returning from Asia, I reflected on what was different during both of these times in my life, and I tried connect the dots. How was I able to lose weight in such a calm and stress-free way and without even trying?

1.     Natural Eating Behaviors Based on Body Cues: I focused on eating behaviors; those we’re naturally inclined to emulate when we’re tuned in and listening to our bodies. This included honoring hunger cues, stopping when satisfied and “energized” (rather than full and lethargic), and eating foods that made me feel well both mentally and physically the majority of the time. No food was off limits though, with the exception of dairy due to my intolerance, and I worked with what was available to me at the time. I didn’t follow any food rules; the only goal was to tune into what my body was saying and follow through with the best of my ability at the time.

I want to emphasize that this was very much a learning process, and it’s one that I still have to revert back to when my eating behaviors become chaotic. There are still times when I eat out of boredom rather than hunger or overeat, and during my time in Asia, the food was often so delicious that I ate beyond the point of satisfaction. The major takeaway is that these were exceptions rather than my consistent behaviors, and I simply moved on after it happened.

2.     Not Having a “YOLO” Mentality: The more common definition of “you only live once”, anyway. It’s so easy to dive head-first into the YOLO mentality, which for many means going balls-to-the-wall with all food and drink. My definition is different. Yes, I only live once, so my goal was to learn how to enjoy the foods I want while also feeling great and not stressing about food. I wanted to learn to live my life to the fullest, which meant reducing food and body stress as much as possible.

Furthermore, I don’t want to spend my life feeling lethargic, overly full, hungry, nor deprived. So a balanced approach was best for my priorities and goals. Eating healthy foods that make us feel great most of the time doesn’t make us bores, and it certainly doesn’t mean we’re not living life to the fullest. In many cases, it can mean the exact opposite. However, there’s a fine line between subscribing to neurotic and controlling food regimens under the guise of “clean eating” and actually listening to what our bodies are asking for.

3.     Less Alcohol, but This Doesn’t Have to Mean None: I was also working on my relationship with my extreme drinking habits during these times in my life. I never had the intention of removing alcohol completely, and I still don’t! I love myself some red wine and a marg. But these times consisted of far less alcohol than I was consuming previously, and in doing so, my sleep was better, which led to decisions that were more closely aligned with my body’s signals. I find it to be rather difficult to listen to my body with a hangover or while drunk – anyone else? Of course, this led to fewer calories being consumed too.

I rarely drank alcohol while in Asia, but I had a glass of wine almost every night when living at home with my parents. This illustrated that there isn’t just one ideal approach or diet, and there’s a lot more flexibility in preferences than any “plan” out there will lead you to believe. I can actually make my own rules? Mind. Blown.

4.     More Movement, Less Exercise: I love intense exercise. Like really, really love it. I find it to be a lot of fun, a great mental and physical outlet, and an avenue for personal growth due to the challenge. But I really slowed down during these times. While at home with my parents, I only partook in walking the dogs and mellow yoga classes. While in Asia, I walked a LOT while exploring the city, and I sprinkled a few body weight and short jogs in throughout my weeks. In both scenarios, I also enjoyed many days of being mostly sedentary.

This was a big change for me, and I really had to practice relinquishing control over my intense exercise habits. I noticed my body feeling so much more at ease, less stressed, and my hunger signals were eventually more consistent and clear. It became evident to me that my body loses fat much more easily when I’m partaking in low-stress movement over intense exercise while coupled with a caloric intake that will facilitate weight loss (i.e. consuming fewer calories than I’m expending). Note that my caloric deficits were unintentional at the time, hence my confusion with the weight loss.

Intense exercise is still a huge love of mine, but I don’t do much of it if I’m wanting to get back in touch with my body, have poignant stress elsewhere in my life, my body starts showing signs of hormone imbalance, or if I’m wanting to lose some fat. These times taught me that we don’t have to do the same kind of movement or exercise all the time, and our bodies may actually flourish with the ebbs and flows.

5.     Calories Matter, and I Can Eat All Foods: After subscribing to a low carbohydrate diet for almost a decade (when I wasn’t drunk or hungover), it was very powerful for me to experience fat loss while consuming diets with low protein, higher carbs, and medium-range fat intake. While these amounts are relative, and I wasn’t counting anything during these times, the point is that these times jolted me out of my dogmatic approach to macronutrients.

I had previously believed that carbs were the devil and the source of all fat gain, so gaining first-hand experience with the opposite being true was mind-blowing. It shed light on the truth I so sternly fought before: calories really do matter for fat loss. I started to reconsider other dogmatic approaches to health, diet, and fitness I was subscribing to. I still surprise myself to this day by uncovering something I blindly accepted as truth!  We need to question our biases always.

6.     Habitual and Emotional Relationships to Food: When I was in Asia, I became aware of my attachment to wine and dark chocolate. I didn’t need either of them, but they were readily available previously, so I often didn’t give my consumption a second thought. When living at home with my parents, I became much more aware of my excessive drinking habits from college.

Whenever I travel, I notice new emotional or habitual relationships with food or exercise I wasn’t aware of previously. My habits with foods are always changing in response to my ever-changing priorities and lifestyle, and it’s easy for me to start functioning on autopilot when I’m consistently in the same routine or environment. While all of these habits are fine to have, it’s important to ensure I’m participating in them consciously.

7.     Mindfulness Is King: this was my primary focus during both of these periods in my life, and without developing the skills to get in touch with my body and mind through meditation and journaling, I wouldn’t have been able to lose weight or learn anything as a result. Without mindfulness, I wouldn’t have been able to bring awareness to my habit of overeating, my propensity for eating out of boredom, how to tap into what my body was craving, feeling whether or not my body needed movement, exercise, or rest, and what foods/drinks I had emotional connections to.

None of these are negative in a vacuum, but I was operating in a mode of “sleepwalking” most of the time, so bringing awareness into the picture changed many of my nutrition and fitness habits inadvertently. It forced me to consciously interact with my body, and if I was overriding any signals, I was doing so in full awareness.  

My recent travel excursion to El Salvador reinforced these lightbulb moments I had years ago, yet I learned something new during this trip, too. This trip highlighted my habitual consumption of coffee and dark chocolate. These very much fit into my current personalized eating framework, my Balanced Baseline, but it’s always useful to assess and be aware of my relationships with various habits, foods, drinks, and exercise habits. Do I really want the coffee and dark chocolate, or are they items I mindlessly consume out of habit?  Results: I really want themJ

Travel can be an extreme source of food and exercise anxiety for many, as it used to be for me. But it really doesn’t have to be that way! Rather, I recommend using these times of being out of our routines as opportunities to observe tendencies to grasp for control and to bring awareness to our relationships with our nutrition and exercise habits.

I want to highlight that I had to experience many of these concepts twice for them to begin to stick. I lived at home with my parents in 2011, and I backpacked in 2014, so there were a few years of pushing everything I had originally learned into the back of my mind. Looking back on those times, I really wasn’t ready to make the changes in 2011 due to conflicting priorities. And that’s ok! Partying and socializing were my focus, and I had to navigate and better understand various other aspects of my life before committing to tackling my relationships to food and my body. I have also neglected or ignored these concepts many times since I brought them to light in 2014.

Undoing years of food and body negativity and stress isn’t accomplished overnight, and it can even take years (as was the case for me). This is all a journey, and it’s one that is never-ending. If there is one thing you take away from this post, please don’t beat yourself up for not being where you want to be.  One step at a time, when it feels right for you, and when you’re truly ready.

It’s worth mentioning that I consider “travel” different from “vacation” most of the time. For me, travel is focused on obtaining a cultural experience, and I’m often on the move to explore the particular location. Vacation, however, is more focused on relaxation or spending time with a particular group of people. For example, visiting my family during the holidays, going to a friend’s bachelorette party, or going to the beach for a few days with the expectation of being relatively sedentary and enjoying a few more cocktails are what I consider vacation. I still strongly advocate for awareness in the context of a vacation, but the priorities may be different.

We Don't Come with Ala Carte Options

When most of us look at another person, we don’t assess each minute detail of their body, or even take note of each body part individually. Unless we’re obsessed with assessing those things in ourselves and are projecting. But more often than not, we see others as whole, physical human beings.

Comments about my face, shoulders, ass, stomach, cellulite, and more all affect how I see myself in this photo. But it's really difficult to be in tune with a body when we're spending so much time berating it.

Yet when we look at ourselves, we can judge each body part separately due to distinct definitions established by society. There’s a six-pack or flat stomach with a small waist, an ass that isn’t too small yet also doesn’t have any cellulite, arms that are “toned” but not too muscular, thick hair, flawless skin, not too short yet not too tall. The list goes on and on for women, even down our eyebrows. But who is actually born with all of these features combined? Uh, no one.

Ideal preferences for each of these will usually vary depending on our social environment, culture, and personal background, but the key item to note is that these are largely dictated by external influence. And they don’t take into account the fact that we’re whole beings who don’t come with ala carte options.

With all of these separate yet distinct definitions of what our bodies should be, it’s no wonder the quest for perfection never ends for many women. We “perfect” one body part and are then we’re onto the next. It’s an endless rabbit hole that results in complete discontentment. Not to mention everyone looking the same.

To start unraveling the incessant critique of our bodies, start with less time in front of the mirror.  Limit yourself to necessities (these will vary for each person, so be honest with yourself here), and you’ll likely notice yourself paying less attention to the minutiae of your body. After all, you can’t pick apart something you’re not keenly aware of. What good does standing in front of the mirror overanalyzing do anyways?  This may mean fewer selfies, which is also a great idea during this stage (and in general, IMO).

When learning to overcome my obsession, I limited my “mirror time” to makeup, doing my hair (which seldom happens these days), and doing a quick outfit check.  Any more time spent and my brain would start to pick my body apart.  After a few months of this practice, I was able to stand in front of the mirror and start to see my body for what it is: a body. And one that is ever-changing.

Being the human that I am, there are definitely still times when I stand in front of a mirror and notice these perceived imperfections. Which is natural and common, and we would be kidding ourselves if we thought that wouldn’t happen.  And I believe it can do more damage to assume we won't have those thoughts again.  In response, I do my best to catch myself in the moment, call myself out for this critical behavior (we would NEVER do this to anyone but ourselves), show myself compassion, and walk away.

I haven’t found self-love mantras to be helpful in these situations. Going from hating a body part to loving it is a bit of a stretch, though not entirely out of the question. But I can acknowledge these parts of my body, bring awareness to my petty inner critic (my ego), respond to myself with some understanding (criticizing myself for being critical doesn't solve anything), and choose to move on and to direct my energy and attention to more important matters.

The critical dissection of our bodies is a sneaky little distraction of what’s really calling for our attention. Give yourself fewer opportunities to over-analyze your body and show yourself the same courtesy you bestow upon others: the ability to be seen as whole.

Navigating Food Intolerances with a Healthy Mindset

Loved me a few bites of the biscuit and a slice of this sourdough bread - all gluten-filled!

Food intolerances and food allergies are real for many people, yet there is also a fair amount of hype about the dangers of certain foods that have caused many us to be unnecessarily afraid of them. Gluten and dairy tend to be the most popular, especially amongst the paleo crowd (of which I used to be a dedicated member). The purpose of this post isn’t to discuss whether or not someone should or shouldn’t be eating those foods, as I fully believe that another person’s diet is none of my business. Or yours. Not to mention that there are some very real and serious health conditions that warrant such restrictions.  My only suggestion is that we all use some critical thinking and step outside of some (perhaps) dogmatic ways of thinking to consider whether or not these foods actually do affect us negatively, and if they do, how we still maintain a non-obsessive or restrictive relationship with food.

Like many, I’m still in the process of determining my threshold for certain foods, and while it used to be a source of great frustration, I now understand and accept that my body is ever-changing and will always be in a state of flux. That doesn’t just stop at its appearance, as it most certainly includes internal processes too. Most notably digestion for me and many others.

I was diagnosed with lactose intolerance when I was 22 years old after completing the Lactose Intolerance Test and Hydrogen Breath Test explained here, and it was quite a relief to know that my physical discomfort wasn’t just a product of my mind.

Gluten, on the other hand, has been a different story. Celiac disease is present on both sides of my family, but due to my former low-carb ways, I never ate much gluten inadvertently. In order to accurately test for gluten intolerance, you have to be eating a decent amount of it, so the tests weren’t going to be productive nor accurate for me. As a result, I did a strict elimination diet and reintroduced gluten into my diet to determine whether or not I had any negative reactions.

I was still very much engrained in my obsessive and restrictive ways of thinking at the time of this elimination diet, so I believe I convinced myself that I was having negative reactions when I may not have been. The placebo effect in action!  I’m still playing around with adding gluten back into my diet (this time with an open mind) and assessing its effects, and I’m realizing that it’s largely dose dependent as opposed to an overall intolerance.

For example, if I have more than 1-2 slices of sourdough bread then I don’t feel well, but I feel just fine with a slice of quality bread. Is this due to the gluten, or simply due to having processed foods that I don’t usually consume?  I can’t be sure, but it’s worth considering both scenarios.

I have also realized that I tolerate foods that are lower in wheat as opposed to just gluten.  I know for certain that when I drink a wheat beer, I’m unable to breathe normally through my nose and am stuffed up for several hours. However, if I have a few bites of gluten-filled dessert, drink a Guinness, or enjoy other reasonable servings of gluten, I don’t notice a reaction.

While these differences may seem small and meaningless to some, for those of us who have struggled with orthorexia (obsession with healthy eating) or any form of disordered eating, it’s important to be honest with ourselves about why we make the choices we do. Some questions to ask ourselves:

Am I still afraid of foods based on a narrative I inherited long ago? (i.e. someone told me it’s bad and I shouldn’t eat it, so I blindly listened and acted accordingly.)

Do I genuinely not feel well when I eat this food?

Can I adjust the serving size of the food to see if the reaction is dose dependent?

Am I avoiding this food under the guise of an intolerance, when it’s actually another method of restriction?

Is it possible that I’m creating a physical reaction in my head (i.e. placebo effect) and can change my experience by viewing this food differently?

These are all important questions to ask ourselves, and honesty in our answers is even more important. It’s quite liberating to question what we’ve always thought to be true and find our own answers.  For many, slowly eliminating these food rules we’ve established for ourselves as a method of control can be terrifying. But once we start to make these decisions for ourselves instead of outsourcing them, our trust and confidence in ourselves will continue to grow.

Think of it as a snowball effect. You make one choice that differs from your previously held beliefs or control mechanisms, realize you’re OK and may actually be better off, you subsequently build more trust in yourself and your instincts, and you then feel more comfortable challenging other assumptions.  This doesn’t just stop at our diets, either.

After doing an honest assessment with yourself, if you determine that you’d still rather stay away from a specific food, then rock on with your bad self. And if you do in fact feel physical reactions from gluten, dairy, or any other food, then it’s important to acknowledge why you’re removing the food from your diet (if you choose to do so).

Unless the consequences of consuming the food or drink are severe, we can certainly continue making the same food choices. And I see this ALL the time, even with myself! Sometimes I just want some of the real ice cream, not the vegan version. I pay the price, for sure, but I know what’s coming, accept the consequences, experience the discomfort, and then don’t make that choice again for a long time. I make the decision to consume dairy and lactose in servings greater than a few bites only when I feel that it’s really worth it.

For others, consuming foods and drinks they know they don’t tolerate is a daily occurrence. This is usually due to the following:

• Being disconnected from our bodies: While the connections between specific foods and our bodies can be obvious to those of us who spend our time and energy managing our physical well-being, for others who aren’t interested in or knowledgeable about how to feel their best, it’s difficult to draw the connection between the food or drink and the physical discomfort.
• Simply not caring: this tends to be the more common one, as many people are just not willing to give up their gluten, dairy, or any food that makes them feel like shit in the interest of feeling better. The issue here tends to be a question of why they don’t feel motivated to show up in the world as the best version of themselves and/or treat their bodies with respect consistently, and until that is addressed, things likely won’t change.

For those of us who do care about feeling our best and are subject to food intolerances to any degree, it’s important to remember why we’re deciding not to consume these foods or drinks. Rather than removing foods as a product of self-hatred, hustling for a better body, or as a method of control, we can choose not to consume them in order to show up more fully as ourselves. It’s a completely different narrative; one that is empowering rather than inhibiting. When treating ourselves with respect and by putting our well-being at the forefront of our actions, it becomes really easy to make choices that best serve us. 

And if we do choose to consume these foods, we know that we’ve made choices that are not in the best interest of our physical bodies, but they may be in the best interest of our overall well-being at the time (i.e. enjoying a special cake you get a few times a year or a shared experience with a loved one). The more we practice integrating foods and drinks that may not make us feel our best, the better we’ll become at discerning when it is or isn’t worth it. Nothing that involves our relationships with food or our bodies is linear, so don’t be afraid to experiment, gather data, and adjust next time.

While food intolerances are not ideal nor enjoyable, they can serve as a gateway for becoming more in tune with our bodies. And consider questioning their validity as they relate to your own body, as they may be a product of hidden food fears similar to myself.  It’s all a learning process! One that only makes us more knowledgeable and self-aware along the way if we allow it.

Alcohol - It Really Can be Part of a Healthy Lifestyle

I’ve gone into detail about my journey and relationship with alcohol here, and you’ll see that I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs with this popular party drug. I still love wine and tequila, and I consume them regularly. I believe they can find their way into a healthy lifestyle, even when losing weight is the goal. Am I going to say it’s healthy? Maybe. We know it’s not physically healthy for us (you can get your antioxidants elsewhere, ok?), but imbibing in a balanced way can actually be health promoting.

How can something that’s essentially poison be healthy? Because oftentimes the stress of abstaining from it for the sake of weight loss leads to an unhealthy mindset, in addition to subsequent unhealthy behaviors. For example, I used to vow to not drink any booze after a bender of a weekend, and then the only thing I could think of was having a drink. Similar to struggles with eliminating a “forbidden” food. It only makes you obsess about said thing. This comes with the obvious caveats of actually enjoying alcohol, not having issues with addiction, and not using it as a crutch for any number of underlying issues.

In addition to the unhealthy behaviors that can accompany completely abstaining from alcohol, having a drink or two can actually be a great way for some people to relax or enjoy time with loved ones. Do we NEED it? No. We don’t need many aspects of our modern lifestyle today, but they can add to our joy and fulfillment in a positive and balanced way. I thoroughly enjoy having a drink with my family when I’m home catching up, while out with friends, and even while at home alone.

This all occurs when the following criteria are met:

1. I actually want a drink: This is similar to mindlessly eating processed foods that aren’t going to make us feel great, oftentimes because they’re simply available. I always ask myself, “Do I actually want a drink, or am I just having one because everyone else is? Or because it’s right in front of me?” It took me a while to determine the differences, and I usually didn’t know until halfway through the drink. Don’t listen to what anyone else says. I promise it’s ok to leave an unfinished drink on the table.
2. I’m not drinking to suppress an unpleasant emotion: this kind of drinking never feels good, especially the next day. Not only do we feel physically unwell, but our emotions are even more unstable than they were to begin with.  Drinking in response to discomfort doesn’t allow us to address the root causes of our feelings, so they will only intensify in time. Face that shit, then have a drink.  This also includes boredom. It happens to many of us on occasion, but if it’s a recurring theme, it’s time to find some more valuable ways to spend time.
3. Not using it as a social lubricant: This was a big one for me in my early to mid-20s, as I had essentially been socializing drunk for the previous seven years. As a result, I wasn’t comfortable entering a social situation without a buzz, and if I did happen to arrive sober, I was drunk within the hour to stifle my social anxiety. Overcoming this took some time, but I slowly became comfortable with sober socializing, and it’s definitely my preference now. I find being buzzed or drunk only enjoyable in the company of friends and family.

Once I have checked the boxes on the above, then I assess the environment I’m in and mindfully choose my plan of action. I typically find myself in one of the following situations:

• An environment where everyone is having just a drink or two, so I don’t need to overthink my drinking. Everyone is on the same page, and it’s a relaxed atmosphere, so I can easily have one or two drinks without giving it a second thought.
• An environment where everyone is drinking to party and get drunk, and I only want a few drinks or none at all. This takes some more conscious effort, as it’s easy to get carried away when we really don’t want to or to succumb to peer pressure. It’s best to walk into these situations with a game plan and stick to it. Two or three drinks (that’s pushing it with a potential hangover for me), and I call it. Club soda with lime is a lovely way to feel like I’m drinking something more fun than water, and it also reduces the likelihood of someone harassing me for not drinking. It’s unfortunate that people still do that, and I don’t lie about it if I’m asked, but I’m ok with consciously mitigating those instances when I can.
• An environment where everyone is drinking to party and get drunk, and I’m on board. This doesn’t happen very often, but sometimes the mood strikes or it’s a special occasion and I’m all in.  I go into these situations with the expectation that I’m going to drink more than I know is physically ideal, and then my hangover the next day is MUCH easier to accept.  Having this happen so sparingly is also important for not berating myself the next day. It’s not part of an abusive cycle; it’s simply a fun, rare night out.

“Know thyself”

-  Socrates

In addition to drinking for positive reasons and acknowledging and adjusting to our environments, we also need to understand how alcohol affects us individually. Once we do, we can act in alignment as often as possible to ensure we minimize the negative effects, both physically and mentally. 

The next time you enjoy a cocktail or your beverage of choice, bring awareness to the following:

• Eating before: This is a huge one for me, as it is for many people. If I don’t eat before drinking, my stomach hurts, I get a buzz far more quickly than I would like (and far more quickly than anyone around me), and I feel like shit the next day without fail. Even if it’s just one or two drinks. If I’m out at a restaurant as opposed to a bar, then I pace my drinking with my eating to ensure I don’t get ahead of myself. Loading up on high-volume foods that are more satiating, like protein and vegetables, is helpful. Eating before drinking or pacing my drinking in accordance with my eating is a non-negotiable for me, and if I’m going to be out all day, I’ll bring a snack with me just in case. 
• Effects on hunger and cravings: Drunk eating is a common effect of imbibing, but some are immediately drawn to foods they wouldn’t normally eat once they’ve had a drink or two. For me, this only happens when I haven’t eaten or paced appropriately as noted above. For others, light drinking actually suppresses hunger and cravings. It’s important to know which one you are and to adjust accordingly. Don’t use a buzz as an excuse to go off the rails and treat your body poorly! If you’re eating moderately the rest of the time and aren’t restricting, then this urge will be greatly reduced, but bringing mindfulness to the situation is always necessary. And if you do end up going overboard on food, either with poor quality or excessive quantity, please don’t beat yourself up. On top of a hangover, self-loathing is the last thing we need. It’s just one day/night!
• Water consumption: This is a given for most of us, as we’re taught this from a young age, but it’s easy to forget about drinking water when we’re busy socializing. I aim for one tall glass of water between each drink, and it makes a huge difference in how I feel the next day. It also slows down our consumption of alcohol, so it’s a win-win!
• State of Mindfulness: Acknowledge your environment, your hunger levels, and play the situation out in your head. Don’t bury your head in the sand (or your drinks, in this case) and mindlessly consume things you won’t feel great about afterwards. If you want to do so consciously, then great! But don’t check out. I promise you’ll wake up feeling much better if you made your choices consciously, even if you have a hangover and ate more than your body was asking for. This applies to hungover eating as well.  I used to overeat processed foods excessively when hungover without any sense of consciousness, and the minute I decided to bring awareness to my hangovers, those poor choices were drastically reduced.

The last point is the most important piece of the boozing puzzle. Bringing awareness to how alcohol affects us physically and mentally, how we manage various drinking environments, and our state of mind during and after imbibing is crucial for developing a healthy and malleable relationship with alcohol.  And while finding out what works best for each of us individually takes some time, it’s so worth it. I no longer stress about how I’m going to manage a night out when I don’t want to drink, I know how to minimize the physical and emotional side effects, and most importantly, I now respond with kindness towards myself rather than with negative self-talk when I do overdo it. We don’t have to be at war with alcohol in the same way we don’t with food.

You Want to Be More Confident? A Better Body Won't Get You There

Confidence is a hot topic in the social media world, and in my opinion, there is a rather large misconception about its source and the various types. There is superficial confidence, which is based on, you guessed it, superficial measures. And there is true confidence, which is meaningful, deep, and unshakeable. Superficial confidence is the most widely touted form, and it seems to be the most widely sought after too. True confidence, on the other hand, may not present in such a grandiose or obvious manner as the former, therefore causing few people to pursue it.  We live in a world heavily focused on external validation, and we’re conditioned to define ourselves by such measures, so it’s no wonder most of us are lost when it comes to developing an unwavering sense of self.

When I was studying at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, one of the most powerful lightbulb moments for me was when we were discussing deeper, underlying goals of clients.  Many women are in pursuit of a better body in order to gain more confidence, and this makes sense given the world we live in. A leaner body means being noticed by others, perhaps being approved of or validated by them, therefore leading to increased levels of confidence.  But what if Joe Schmo or the girl you’re trying to impress doesn’t notice? Or doesn’t care? Or another girl walks in with a better body? Or worse, they still have something negative to say about your appearance? Confidence is then completely shattered. This sense of confidence was superficial and was never real to begin with, so it inevitably comes crashing down.

What if, instead of working towards a goal of “I’ll be confident when…”, we can focus on being confident right now?  This requires confidence being based off of something other than our appearance, which can be very challenging in the beginning. As women, we’re taught from a young age that our value is derived from our appearance, and for men, it’s often based on financial/career success. But the only way to build true and lasting confidence is to define yourself by who you are as a person, not anything outside of yourself.

For many of us, due to our focus on our appearance (or another superficial metric), we have neglected putting in the work on ourselves as human beings. And this person is fairly easy to identify, although they can present in various forms. A typical case is one who is always insecure about her body, is always focused on improving her appearance, is never content with the way she looks, judges and criticizes others based on their appearance or another superficial metric, and is either lacking in boundaries (i.e. the pushover) or is unkind, judgmental, and gossipy towards others.  Sure, her body might look good, but she’s either an asshole or let’s others treat her like an asshole due to not having spent time developing a strong sense of self or values.

Those who are focused on pursuing superficial confidence often judge others by the same metrics they’re striving for. They like to be around the attention-seeking and often loud types (there’s nothing wrong with being loud as long as it’s authentic!), because they perceive that as a marker of confidence. They like to be around physically attractive people, as this is what they find valuable in themselves. They’re often confused by those who are physically attractive but present with a lack of confidence, as they can’t understand someone not basing their worth off of their appearance.  I know this, because I used to be one of these people.

It wasn’t until I started working on myself as a person and really focusing on who I wanted to be that I began to develop a true sense of confidence. One that isn’t dependent on the way I look or the opinions of others. Sure, I’m certainly human and my feelings are hurt by mean comments, but I don’t strive for the approval of others anymore.  Rather, I ensure I am acting in alignment with the values I hold dear and then let the chips fall where they may. If others don’t resonate with me as a result, then it’s no loss to me, as I’m not pursuing their approval. I’m pursuing my own.  

When determining the qualities and values I want to embody in my life, I took a page from Joe Rogan and wrote down all of those I want to subscribe to and all of those I won’t tolerate within myself.  I was then forced to acknowledge where I had some work to do and put my money where my mouth is. 

While I have added some qualities, actions, and values to this list since its inception and will likely continue to do so as I evolve, those that compose the foundation are honesty, authenticity, kindness, trustworthiness, and boundaries. That last one might seem unusual, but it’s something I struggled with for a really long time, so it’s a non-negotiable for me.  I’m certainly not perfect when it comes to living by these values, but it’s something I work towards every day.  When I do fall short, I’m able to easily identify these instances and course-correct quickly. It’s difficult to ignore something that you’ve clearly established as a personal value.

By peeling back the layers of the ego (negativity, victimhood, jealousy, laziness, gossip, etc.) and focusing on becoming a better human being, our focus on our bodies naturally reduces. Rather than breaking down over “cheating” on our diet when we eat a donut, we feel gross when we act in a way that isn’t in alignment with our values and spend our energy there instead.  Instead of focusing on cellulite and the size of our jeans, let’s focus on reducing gossip, spending more quality time with people who matter to us, speaking kindly and honestly, or acting in alignment with whatever values we hold dear.

This isn’t meant to invalidate the pressure we feel to look a certain way, because it’s very real, but we have the choice to spend our time and energy elsewhere. And how we begin to define ourselves will follow suit.  By becoming clear on what we value and ensuring our actions are in alignment, we can then experience a solid and unwavering sense of self that isn’t deterred by the perceptions of others.  This is the confidence we’re all seeking, yet so many of us have been living according to the misguided notion that our bodies are the vehicle to this outcome.

Let’s spend our time on our internal landscape; discovering what values and qualities we find meaningful and important in ourselves and others. We can then adjust our actions to ensure we’re living in alignment and, most importantly, detach from the reactions of others. By doing so, we develop true confidence that is based on a solid, unwavering foundation as opposed to superficial and transient metrics. And the best part is that we can do this TODAY, not when our bodies change. That sense of true confidence is available to us at this very moment regardless of our appearance.

Balanced Baseline - What It Is & How to Find Yours

Before I knew anything about nutrition or fitness, my weight would naturally ebb and flow throughout the various stages of childhood and adolescence. I put on weight before big growth spurts, subsequently leaned out as I grew taller, and once again gained weight once I hit puberty. All natural and common phases a human body goes through.  For some reason, as we grow into adulthood, there is a common notion that our bodies should no longer be in a state of flux. However, this would require everything about our health, lifestyles, and priorities remaining the same.

After graduating college, I was a fully-grown woman, and when looking at these three variables, 1. Health – less than ideal (hello, missing period), 2. Lifestyle – I was working crazy hours at a desk job I hated, and 3. Priorities – partying and more partying. As a result, I was carrying more fat and less muscle than I do today. When I backpacked for a few months in Southeast Asia a few years ago, my hormones were still out of whack, my lifestyle consisted of a strict budget and surviving off of meals of rice, vegetables, and nuts for the most part with a TON of walking, and my priorities were to soak up every moment in a sober state. As a result, I lost both fat and muscle over the course of those three months and came back to the States about ten pounds lighter.  I can go on and on about the various phases of my life I’ve experienced, but the point I’m trying to make is that our bodies will naturally change in accordance with these factors.  And that’s perfectly OK.  We don’t have to hustle to “get our body back” or white-knuckle our way through maintaining a body we obtained through extreme priorities (i.e. neglecting other areas of our lives for the sake of a better body) or a lifestyle advantage (i.e. endless hours to be active).

Accepting the fact that my body will always be in a state of flux was a huge relief, as it eliminated the stress associated with maintaining a certain aesthetic. Our bodies will navigate numerous phases in our lives, many of them solely based on physical changes (pregnancy, fertility, menopause, injuries, etc.), so it’s important to learn to flow WITH them, not against them. What is gained can always be lost and vice versa, so detaching from a state of being that will inevitably change is incredibly freeing, and I would argue necessary for contentment.  

While I firmly believe in allowing our bodies to take various forms throughout our lives, I also understand the desire to maintain a relatively stable body composition in a stress-free way when our health, lifestyles, and priorities are consistent.  And to learn how to adjust our nutrition/eating habits in accordance with any changes of these factors. Constantly gaining and losing weight due to the diet hamster wheel can be incredible taxing, both physically and mentally, so finding our balanced baseline is ideal. This is our own personalized lifestyle and food habits that allow us to maintain our weight (if we want to), show up with energy in our daily lives, perform well in physical activities, sleep well, and most importantly, not stress about food or our bodies. Essentially, this is a personalized form of moderation and intuitive eating.  For someone who’s never experienced disordered eating habits or yo-yo dieting, this may seem like a walk in the park, but for those of us who have been in the thick of it, this can seem impossible.

So, how does one find their balanced baseline? Through experimentation, journaling, modifying, and repeating this series until you find what works best for YOU.  If you’ve been on an endless number of diets or nutrition programs designed by someone else, this might sound exhausting. And I get that. But wouldn’t it be nice to learn how to become your own guru and learn what works best for you, once and for all? This may very well be the last time you have to give a lot of thought to your food, and when I was in the thick of my food and body obsession, I would have given anything for that outcome.  While this process is highly individualized, there are some big picture items that are immensely helpful:

1.     Be Clear About What Foods You Enjoy/Don’t Enjoy - Make a list of foods you enjoy and another for those you dislike. From the list of foods you enjoy, highlight those that are one-ingredient foods. One ingredient foods are whole food items, such as meat, eggs, avocado, oatmeal, vegetables, fruits, grains, nuts, etc.  There’s no need to overthink this and ask whether peanut butter fits the bill (it does), so just use your best judgment as to whether the food is mostly natural and whole. Try to incorporate these items more often than the processed foods listed, but you can eat anything. Don’t eat anything from the list of those you don’t like. This is the first step is honing in on what YOU want to eat, not what someone has told you.

2.     Portion Sizes – It can be difficult to gauge portion sizes if you’ve been restricting, binging, or following a nutrition plan, so this one requires patience. In addition to a sufficient amount of mindfulness. When sitting down to your meals, pay attention to how much you need to actually feel satisfied without feeling stuffed.  Write down how long the meal sustained you before becoming hungry again, your energy levels for the following few hours, any subsequent cravings, your performance in your workout, and any other metric you deem important. For example, I realized that I have more stable energy, am full for a longer period of time (increased satiety), and don’t have cravings if I have a serving of protein the size of my palm at breakfast. Any less and I become hungry shortly thereafter. Note that ideal portion sizes can vary from meal to meal.

3.     Pay Attention to Hunger Cues – this is a big one, as many of us don’t know the signals our bodies are sending us due to years of ignoring and overriding them.  To start, make a list of the stages of hunger and divide into five categories. I will dive into these stages more thoroughly in a later post (there are eight), but for the sake of simplicity and being able to act on this immediately, we’ll start with five.

• One – you’re completely ravenous
• Two – you’re hungry but it’s tolerable
• Three – you’re satisfied, comfortable, and energized
• Four – you’re full and ate beyond comfort by a few bites
• Five – you’re overly full and experience discomfort

For each of these stages, list the physical indicators and signals your body sends you. For example, when I’m ravenous and in stage one, I experience lightheadedness, headaches, and sometimes get shaky. In stage two, I experience growling in my stomach that is only mildly distracting.  In stage three, I feel light, energized, and don’t have additional cravings. When in stage four, I feel a slight dip in energy with some pressure in my stomach.  In stage five, I experience tightness in my stomach, extreme lethargy, and may even feel pain in my stomach depending on how much I have overeaten. The goal is to stay within stages two and four, so understanding what these stages look like for YOU is extremely important. Bringing awareness to how and when you typically end up in stages one and five is also necessary.

4.     Gym Performance – this one took me a long time to come to terms with, because I felt that if I was manipulating my food intake in any way, then I was reverting to my obsessive patterns and behavior. However, my body doesn’t know when I’m about to workout, so I need to fuel it appropriately based on feedback from my body even if I’m not hungry. For some, working on an empty stomach is preferred, while others would have a terrible workout. Some prefer a snack of fat and protein, while others do better with a snack primarily composed of carbohydrates (note that this is largely based on the type and duration of the workout). For me, I realized that a small snack that is primarily composed of carbs is best for me before lifting heavy weights or doing Crossfit. However, I can do yoga or go for a leisurely run on an empty stomach or have a fat-based snack and feel just fine.

• Post-workout is also individualized. Most will find they don’t need to guzzle a protein shake immediately following a workout unless competing with multiple events in a day or back-to-back for a few days. Simply following hunger cues here works best for most people.

5.     Other Feedback Signals From Your Body – there are endless forms of feedback from our bodies, but the other key players are sleep, hormones, energy, and cravings. If your sleep starts to suffer, you may need more carbohydrates or to eat more in general (before bed can be especially helpful). For women, our monthly period cycles are great indicators of whether our bodies are happy and content. If it’s irregular or missing, your body is telling you something. If your energy is low or inconsistent, we have some work to do there. Finally, if you experience cravings after every meal or at a particular time of the day, we need to look at when you’re eating, how much, and how much protein, fat, or carbs.  In order to accurately assess these factors, journaling will be critical.

6.     Mindfulness – You knew this one was coming, didn’t you?  This is an imperative piece of the puzzle, and journaling throughout this process automatically brings an increased level of awareness with food habits. But we need a method of bringing more mindfulness and presence throughout our days beyond this initial experimental stage.  Meditation is a great way to bring more mindfulness to our days, as it teaches us to notice our thought patterns, detach from them, and choose a different narrative. When rewiring our eating habits for the long-haul, this is a non-negotiable. You can read about the importance of meditation and the impact it had on me here.

Monitoring all of these factors through journaling and then making adjustments based on the data gathered can seem tedious, but consider it an investment in your long-term health and happiness. And one that requires short-term sacrifices for long-term gain. Seriously, the value of understanding your body and what it’s telling you is invaluable.

The state and composition of our bodies will always be transient, so learning to detach from a specific outcome and allowing our bodies to ebb and flow will eliminate so much suffering. At the same time, it’s understandable to want to feel our best on a consistent basis, not stress about food, and to not experience frequent weight fluctuations when our health, priorities, and lifestyles are consistent. Or to make small adjustments if we can and want to when these factors change.

By focusing on the big picture items above, you’ll be well on your way to developing an eating framework that is designed by you, FOR YOU: your balanced baseline. Once this has been firmly established and practiced, making small changes in accordance with health, priorities, or lifestyle is infinitely easier, and mostly importantly, they’re built on a stress-free foundation of love and self-respect. Sounds like magic to me!

My 2018 Intentions

New Year, New You, right?  While I don’t believe in waiting until some arbitrary date to begin working towards new goals, it can be helpful to get clear on what you want to focus on in the New Year. A few years ago, I decided to focus on the energy I want to bring into the year, in addition to the qualities about myself I want to improve, as opposed to tangible goals. As such, I prefer to call them intentions, not resolutions. We can’t control outcomes, but we can control how we show up every day.

For 2018, there are five intentions of focus for me, and luckily, they’re all somewhat intertwined and interdependent.  Otherwise, five would simply be too much. I arrived at these intentions by reflecting on the energy I want to feel and have my life reflect going forward. So without further ado, I bring you my five intentions for 2018.  

1.     Be Present: I tend to future-trip quite a bit, meaning I’m living my life in the future in my head. I get ahead of myself, and my expectations of what’s to come are then out of alignment, as I can’t predict the future. Who would have thought? Living my life in the future also leaves me with a general lack of fulfillment due to the shortage of engagement with the world in front of me. I don’t often dwell on the past, but this is a bigger issue for some people than living in the future. Either way, it’s SO easy to let our minds take over and bring us away from the present moment.

My plan of action to facilitate this increase in presence is to continue my morning meditation practice, to stop and enjoy sunrises and sunsets when I can, and to spend more time in nature. Nothing grounds me and gets me out of my head quite like being in nature.

2.     Do What Makes Me Uncomfortable: I watched one of Gary Vee’s Instagram posts earlier this year, and it really stuck with me. He said that most of us are walking around here acting like we’re coming back, and I know that’s been so true for me. It’s easy to forget that life is finite and that we have one chance at this thing. But in order to see the progress I want to see next year, and to simply live the life in envision for myself, I need to say and do the things that make me uncomfortable.

I don’t particularly enjoy being uncomfortable in the moment, but I’m always so happy I did said thing afterwards. Even if the end result isn’t as I envisioned or hoped, I’ve never regretted at least trying. To me, regret is far more terrifying than being uncomfortable or afraid. Besides, what’s the worst thing that can happen? We’ve all overcome rejection, failure, hurt feelings, embarrassment, etc. before, and we can do it over and over again. Based on my experience, it gets easier over time.

Playing it safe looks good on the surface, but I believe it leads to an empty and shallow life. And after speaking to those who are living boldly, I’ve come to realize that they’re just as afraid and uncomfortable as the rest of us. The difference is in how they choose to respond. So in 2018, if it scares me (and isn’t actually dangerous), I’m going for it!

3.     More Authenticity & Vulnerability: that last word makes a lot of people cringe, as it did for me for a great while, but I’m sold after diving into the work of Brene Brown. These two go hand-in-hand, as true vulnerability requires being our true selves at all times (authenticity), even when we’d rather conform to make things more comfortable. Enter intention # 2.

One of Brene’s quotes from her book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, struck a huge cord with me a few years ago. Paraphrased, it said that we feel much worse if we’re rejected when trying to be someone we’re not as opposed to being rejected for being our real selves. And I completely agree, as we’re also rejecting ourselves in the former scenario.

So in an effort to support myself fully, to make myself uncomfortable, and to connect with others on a deeper level, I’ll be making a concerted effort to fully be myself and then detach from the outcome. I can’t control how others respond to me, and I find this to be a great filtering system for the people in my life. If my authentic self isn’t for some people, then I realize that sooner rather than later (and it’s best for everyone involved). Conversely, those who appreciate me for me will not only stay, but I’ll be attracting those people too.

4.     Be More Open, but with Boundaries: being more open was my sole intention in 2016, and I definitely noticed a difference as a result. But there is still progress to be made. In a recent discussion about my “Why” while back home, I was told that I tend to be more standoff-ish with people until I know I can trust them, as trust is the foundation of my Why. It was great to understand the underlying reason why I tend to err on the side of caution initially, but it is possible to be open and still maintain boundaries. And that’s what I’m working towards.

Danielle Laporte says, “Open, gentle heart. Big fucking fence.” And until the last couple years, I didn’t realize this was possible due to the seeming contradiction.  Essentially, the goal is to maintain an open heart and to only let people beyond the fence who are respectful, kind, interested, and loving. I have a difficult time balancing openness with boundaries, as I tend to start with being closed on top of boundaries. It’s quite the force field. Going forward, I intend to give people the benefit of the doubt upon initially meeting them, to be open to the possibility of connecting with anyone new that I meet, to follow my intuition with others, to still remain kind-hearted even when I don’t align with someone, and to remain unapologetic about establishing boundaries with those I believe it is necessary.

5.     Cultivate & Contribute to my Tribe: The word "tribe" can carry a negative connotation, as it can exude a sense of exclusivity, but to me it embodies the notion of a supportive, loyal, and uplifting community. However, I believe this can only be true when we implement boundaries and cultivate our tribe with care and discernment. John Rohn says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” and I certainly notice subconscious changes within myself depending on the people I’m surrounding myself with on a regular basis. When we’re around people who gossip, have a victim mentality, are pessimistic, are unmotivated, etc., then it’s easy to slip into a similar state of mind. Conversely, that shit doesn’t fly when we’re surrounded by kind, positive, and motivated people who take ownership of their mindset and lives.

I’m fortunate to have several people in my life who embody these qualities, and I will be focusing more time and energy on these relationships and less on those that tend to have deleterious effects. Additionally, it is our responsibility to show up to these relationships with the same positive attributes. We don’t want to be responsible for decreasing anyone’s average; amiright?

January 1st isn’t a magical date that carries more significance than any other, but it can be a solid starting point for making changes if we’re struggling to find the proper time. This date also tends to bring about a tendency for reflection, so all-in-all, I think it’s a great time of the year. The trouble comes when we quickly lose motivation and forget the intentions we have made, so I recommend writing them down and putting them in a clearly visible place in your home. If we focus on why we want to implement these changes and the likely benefits, the chances of follow-through significantly increase.

Wishing everyone a productive, challenging, adventurous, and exciting 2018!