I Get Meditation is Useful, but How Do I Do It?

I was speaking to a close friend last week about her anxiety and feeling out of control with her thoughts, and when I asked if she had tried meditation, she simply replied, “I just don’t get it. How do you observe your thoughts?”

This is such a fair question, and it’s one I had myself for a LONG time.  The concept didn’t make any sense to me until I started reading Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now.”  His story is pretty remarkable, as he was suicidal until it dawned on him that he is not his thoughts. And they’re actually the source of all of his pain.  Once he was able to detach from them and observe them for what they are, simply thoughts, then he was back in control.  The real him was in control (the observer) rather than the mind chatter, or the monkey brain.  Reading his story finally made the concept of being able to observe our own thoughts click for me, because it demonstrated its plausibility.

Being open to the idea of not being our thoughts is the first step.  If we’re resistant to this idea, then meditating, journaling, or practicing self-awareness throughout our days is going to prove fruitless.  Once we’re open to the concept, we can then begin the practice of meditation and do some experimentation to find what works best for each of us.

Currently, I really enjoy purely silent meditation, where I begin by focusing on my breath, and as I notice my thoughts, I bring my awareness back to my breath. Note that my mind can wander for quite some time before I catch this, but that’s not the important part. The important part is that I observe this and then bring awareness back to what I (the observer) want to focus on, not the monkey brain.        

Below is a simple practice you can do anywhere, and I often come back to this breathing pattern throughout my day when I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed.

• Set a timer for 5-20 minutes, depending on how much time you have.
• Start by sitting in a comfortable seat, either in a chair or on the ground. Sitting on a pillow can help maintain upright posture. Place the palms of your hands on your knees, facing up or down. Your back should be straight but not too tight, and be mindful of releasing tension in your jaw and neck.
• Through your nose, inhale for three seconds, hold for two seconds, exhale for three seconds, hold the exhale for one second. Continue this pattern for the remainder of the time while bringing your awareness back to your breath whenever you notice your mind has wandered.
• It’s normal and expected to be uncomfortable while sitting in stillness without any distractions, and this discomfort isn’t just physical. We’re conditioned to be constantly stimulated, so it can be helpful to expect mental discomfort to arise. Show yourself some grace and really commit to sitting in this practice for the entire duration. It will become easier with consistency.

Another great option is guided meditation, and there are several apps on the market now with different tones and styles.  I prefer the more simplistic ones with minimal talking, so “1 Giant Mind” is my current favorite, but other popular options are “Headspace” and “Calm.”  Try a few of them and find what works best for you. Many of these apps have challenges to encourage consistency, especially when just starting, which brings me to my final thoughts.

Consistency and showing ourselves grace via limited expectations throughout this process is extremely important. I recommend committing to consistent practice every day for at least one month before deciding meditation is not for you.  In addition to an open mind, a lack of expectations is also important. You can’t expect to reach Nirvana and be like Buddha within a lifetime, let alone one month, without being sorely disappointed and frustrated.  Similar to any other healthy habit, it takes time to see notice the changes and requires some stick-to-it-iveness to really reap the benefits.

Be sure to let me know what comes up for you as you commit to this practice!

What Is Your Why? And Why It's Important to Know

I was introduced to Simon Senek and his book, “Start with Why,” by my dad a few years ago, and after completing a 1:1 evaluation, mine was pretty clear: “Trust – to create relationships based on trust.”  Most of us can go through the motions in life without understanding the “why” behind our actions for a short period of time, but confusion and a lack of motivation usually set in.  This is especially true when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle.

Understanding our “why” on a deep level allows us to sustain our healthy habits in the long run, and it makes the process WAY more enjoyable.  A shallow why, such as wanting to gain approval from others or become seemingly more attractive, is not only negative motivation, but it won’t last long either.  We need to go deeper to develop and sustain our habits for the long haul.  Why do I lead a healthy and balanced lifestyle?  It allows me to show up more fully in every part of my life. I.e. I can enjoy difficult mountain adventures, I’m able to lift and move things on my own, I can spend time with family and friends doing challenging activities, my mood is better so my relationships are stronger, my brain fires quickly so I perform better at work, and I have the energy to live life to the fullest.

Other examples might include having the ability to be active with your children, having the energy to work long hours and then spend time with family, being emotionally balanced and keeping anxiety at bay, and being able to show up more fully in every aspect of life with friends and family.  Become clear on why you want to make better choices for yourself, and you’ll quickly find that acting in the best interest of your own well-being becomes easier, and it will eventually become second nature if you’re continuously focusing on it. 

So, how does one discover their Why? Journaling. And time. Ask yourself why you want to make healthy changes a part of your lifestyle and not just a 30-day challenge. Let the ideas and words flow onto the paper (or computer screen) without judgment.  When I initially did this exercise, most of my reasons were shallow (i.e. mostly focused on my appearance), and I immediately felt a wave of discouragement and judgment towards myself.  Don’t do this! And if you do, please realize it’s a very normal response and doesn’t warrant further negativity.  **This is excellent practice in observing your thoughts without judgment and letting them go.  Keep writing until you start to dive deeper, and ask yourself “why?” 4-5 times for each item listed to get more granular. 

For example, “I want to feel better in the gym.” Why? “So I’m able to push myself harder.” Why? “So I can improve my endurance and strength.”  Why? “So I’m able to complete strenuous activities with family and friends.” Why? “So I can continue to make amazing memories on adventures with my loved ones.”

Motivation driven by the ability to make amazing memories on adventures with loved ones is a much more stable and sustainable reason to make healthy choices than simply wanting to do feel better in the gym.  There is nothing wrong with the latter, but it likely won’t enable you to make this a lifestyle as opposed to a transient goal.  The transient goals are fine to have once you’re already clearly rooted in your deeper Why.

I often receive comments about being disciplined or “too responsible” when it comes to living a balanced lifestyle with my food, alcohol, exercise, and lifestyle choices, but it truly doesn’t require any white-knuckling or discipline.  I am so strongly anchored by why I live a healthy and balanced lifestyle that I don’t feel like my life is lacking in any way because of it.  In fact, I know I’m actively moving towards the life I want for myself as a result. If I hadn’t spent the time and energy to reflect on this, then I truly don’t believe I would be able to make the choices I do consistently from a stress-free foundation.

Give this exercise a whirl and feel free to share what comes up for you!

Meditation Gave Me Back My Power - It Can Do the Same for You

I became familiar with the concept of meditation after having a perceived panic attack in college. It could have very well been an intense hangover or a panic attack caused by a hangover, but nonetheless, I left during the middle of a class and went home to search for answers. I stumbled upon Eckhart Tolle and his explanation of consciousness, the idea that we are not actually our thoughts, and that we don’t have to fall victim to the thoughts we have. This was immediately comforting to me, as I had always identified so strongly with my thought patterns.  As I continued to review his articles, I discovered that he utilizes meditation as a method of detaching from thought patterns and subsequently changing them.  The goal, he said, was to become the observer.

That day, I completed my first guided meditation via a youtube video (I remember this first one so vividly), and the effects were immediate. I was calmer and felt a sense of peace from simply knowing that I had the ability to control my reactions to my thoughts, even though I hadn’t yet developed the skill. What I didn’t realize at the time was that this would be a lifelong process that would require me to choose a new way of thinking on a moment-to-moment basis, and it would essentially bring me to a place of being “awake,” for lack of a better term, after unknowingly living my life half asleep. Who knew I was able to play an active part in how I perceived my life, others, and myself?

When we identify so deeply with our thoughts, we believe the stories we have always told ourselves (i.e. I’m the victim, I’m not smart, she’s better than me, I’m not lovable, etc.) and don’t realize that these are simply thought patterns. And that thought patterns are malleable.  Meditation provided me with the awareness of these thought patterns, in addition to quiet space between these thoughts.  In this space, I was able to acknowledge the thoughts for what they were, simply thoughts, and actively choose how to react.  Slowly but surely, my thoughts had less power over me. In fact, I started to use them to my benefit by replacing the negative with positive, and the useless with the useful. For example, when I noticed thoughts that were picking apart my body, I paused, acknowledged the thoughts, forgave myself for having them, and I then chose to focus on something more productive.  Like the fact that my body supported me through years of binge drinking and eating shit, that it continues to allow me to complete difficult workouts, and simple acts like walking up and down the stairs.

Meditation gave me my power back, or rather, it allowed me to realize that I’ve always had the power to live the life I want.  I have a choice in how I show up in this world, especially when it comes to how I view and treat my body.  I don’t have to fall victim to old thought patterns about my body not being good enough, or skinny enough, or lean enough. And I don’t have to succumb to the thoughts that overanalyze food and categorize them as good or bad, or mindlessly eat when I’m not hungry and stuff myself when my body tells me it's had enough.  I certainly still have these thoughts, although less frequently, but I’m now able to acknowledge them and choose a different narrative.  And my narrative is one of compassion, responsibility, and empowerment in the treatment of myself and others.

My Journey Thus Far

I was born and raised in Albuquerque, New Mexico with two brothers and one sister, all of us born within four years, and our wonderfully supportive parents (and crazy – having us that closely together was a bold move).  Upon graduating high school, I went to the University of Colorado at Boulder and moved to Denver shortly thereafter, where I have been ever since (save for a six-month period in which I traveled throughout Southeast Asia and subsequently moved in my with parents after I returned broke).

My journey with nutrition, fitness, and overall body image started in high school with what I’m sure was meant as an innocent comment regarding the fact that I consistently went back for a second helping of food like my older brother.  Mind you, I was not overweight by any means, but I had put on a few pounds once puberty came a-knocking.  I adopted a low-carb lifestyle that was all the rage at that point, in addition to engaging in high intensity exercise for 30-60 minutes per day.  Not surprisingly, I lost weight quickly.  This was highly motivating for the first few months, but it quickly turned into an obsession and my health started to deteriorate.  Within six months, I lost my period, the palms of my hands started to peel, my mood was TERRIBLE, and I had difficultly focusing on anything else. My family remembers this time in my life pretty vividly simply because of my stellar mood.

When I moved away for college, I was surrounded by binge drinking, late night eating, eating junk food when hungover, and I participated in all of it!  My weekends were filled with partying to excess, and my weekdays were spent swinging the pendulum to the other end of the spectrum in an attempt to control my weight.  I became frustrated when my weight crept up, despite my obsessively controlled behavior during the week, and my weight ebbed and flowed throughout college as a result.  When I returned from Italy after studying abroad during college, I was at my heaviest.  I don’t regret any part of this time in my life, and I actually wish I had given myself permission to fully enjoy it without all of the internal judgment.  It taught me what life is like when living in extremes, and it highlighted the fact that I need a balanced lifestyle to be happy in the long run.

Since I graduated college, my weight has changed in direct congruence with my lifestyle, priorities, and my internal state (i.e. happiness).  When I was studying for my CPA exam full-time while living with my parents after college, partying was essentially non-existent, and yoga and meditation became staples in my routine.  As a result, my eating habits stabilized, I made my emotional and physical well-being a top priority, and I gradually lost the extra weight I had gained.  When I moved to Denver to start my career in public accounting a few months later, the partying crept back in, my weight increased as a result, and my obsessively controlling behavior with food and exercise returned.  This cycle repeated itself several times throughout my young adult life until I finally had enough with the extremes.  I was utterly exhausted, and I decided that I needed to make a permanent change for myself in order to become the woman I wanted to be with the life I wanted to create for myself.

This need for a complete lifestyle change led me to quitting my corporate job at the end of 2013 and traveling throughout Southeast Asia for three months with a few girlfriends I managed to convince to come with me.  That trip was life-changing for all four of us, and I struggled throughout several parts of the journey.  I was placed in an environment completely outside of my comfort zone without any responsibilities to keep my mind occupied throughout the day, so I was forced to come face to face with the thoughts in my head and the dissonance between who I was and who I wanted to be.  I could no longer avoid the layers of myself I had assumed over the years (i.e. gossiping and judgment of others, lack of boundaries, insecurities about my body, non-existent communication skills, that I was on a career track I hated, my victim mentality, etc.).  I made a promise to myself on that trip: I will always continue to work on myself and will grow into the woman I want to be.  At that moment, I failed to realize that this will be a lifelong endeavor, but it was the first step in changing my life from the inside out.

For the last three years, I have made changes to almost every area of my life, including my career, how I choose to spend my time, relationships, and most importantly, my thoughts and my reactions to them.  Meditation laid the foundation for identifying thoughts and patterns that weren’t serving me, and I then learned how to choose a different narrative.  I truly believe awareness is the magic sauce to making lasting change, and it's a practice that is cultivated and implemented daily.  That's the goal anyway!

As I have worked on my thoughts and my development as a person, my perspective and attitude about my body has changed accordingly.  I no longer define myself by my appearance (although I still have days/moments when my mind goes there→ enter the tools of awareness and meditation), and I continue to learn to love my body where it is right now while still having goals (if I do at the time). While awareness and self-acceptance are the cornerstone of a healthy relationship with food, fitness, and our bodies, I have learned actionable tools that allow myself and others to live a healthy and obsession-free life.

It has been a long road to arrive at where I am today, and my goal is to help women find their freedom with food, exercise, and lifestyle in a way that is authentic and sustainable for them.  There is no one-size-fits-all program, and the notion that there is one is a prevailing reason we all find ourselves in an obsessive and miserable mindset, feeling as though we’re running in place. This is a life-long journey that will continue to evolve, and this evolution will also look different for each person.  There are highs and lows throughout this process, but it’s SO worth the effort.  As a result of my experiences and what I continue to learn daily, I sincerely hope to contribute to your empowered approach to creating your life of freedom.