Beneath the Surface - What's Really Causing Your Food & Body Obsession?

I very much believe that a solid and intuitive relationship with food requires a two-pronged approach of 1) a mostly whole foods diet that can benefit from specific macronutrient changes when based on our activity, hormones, genetics, etc. (i.e. the tactical approaches) and 2) an intuitive and mindful relationship with food and our bodies that is rooted in self-respect.

I discussed one of the tactical nutritional approaches, low carb, that really grinds my gears in recent blog posts (here and here), but there is SO MUCH MORE to the story. Those changes can be profound, yes, but unless our internal landscape is receiving just as much focus and attention, we won’t feel differently on a deeper level. Which is what we’re really seeking once we peel back the layers.

In fact, many women find that they don’t need to change anything about their diets or bodies at all – the internal work is what’s been calling for their attention.

Our often-tumultuous relationships with food and our bodies can be rooted in a myriad of past and present traumas, stressors, and/or projections. Some examples include the need to exercise control, low self-esteem or perceived lack of worthiness, past or current trauma or abuse (physical and/or emotional), a lack of presence in life, a disconnection to our physical bodies, and a lack of connection to others. 

What do all of these have in common?

They’re internal. And rather than address the root cause of our disordered and unhealthy relationships with food and our bodies, we resort to food as a means of distraction. It’s our magic pill for instant relief from what’s really calling for our attention, usually by way of over or undereating or a similar relationship with exercise.

This often occurs without us being aware of the connection. When my obsessions with food and my body began at the age of sixteen, I had no idea that I was using them as a coping mechanism for feeling self-conscious and unworthy. 

It takes effort to hone in on the root cause of our pain and discomfort – it requires space and reflection, and this can be incredibly uncomfortable in the beginning. Our brains often default to the easy route of deflection.

Overtime, however, we can learn to use the arrival of these thought patterns to our benefit.

When I find myself starting to critique my body or obsess over my food, it’s a clear sign that something is calling for my attention internally.

What am I ignoring?

What am I failing to acknowledge and feel?

Do I simply need to slow down and spend more time connecting with myself and the present?

Do I need to confront issues in a relationship?

Do I need more time in nature?

Am I surrounding myself with people who aren’t supportive and growth-minded?

Once we dig into the answers to these questions, it becomes clear that our food and bodies aren’t the issues. They never have been.

For example, if we’ve gained weight throughout our lives due to being disconnected from our bodies and subsequently eating as an emotional coping mechanism, the food wasn’t the issue. Neglecting the emotional turmoil, failing to connect to the present and our bodies, and masking our pain or discomfort was.

How do we identify what is really calling for our attention?

1. Slow Down & Get Grounded in the Present – mindfulness is a non-negotiable here. Before we can identify patterns, we need to find a way to connect with ourselves internally, in addition to our bodies and the physical world around us. Meditation is a great way to do this, but getting outside in nature or even spending some time in silence and solitude can be powerful.
2. Journal – We need to take an objective view of what’s going on inside our minds, so start by writing the details of the occurrences of overeating, undereating, obsessing over macros or calories, critiquing your body, or even criticizing the bodies of others. Get as granular as possible, even if you believe the thoughts to be completely unrelated.
3. Connect the Dots – Are you having relationship struggles? Do you hate your job or chosen career? Do you feel neglected or unworthy in a particular relationship? Are you moving through life too quickly? Are you failing to speak your authentic truth? These are just a few examples, but chances are that you’ll find a projection of turmoil, confusion, or neglect in other areas of life onto food and/or your body.

This work takes time and dedication, and I believe it to be lifelong work. We never cease to be challenged in life, and our initial, default reaction may always be to revert to obsession over food and our bodies when our internal landscape is out of alignment.

These thought patterns are often my default reaction, and rather than view them through a lens of disdain and resentment, I choose gratitude.

I’ve become so familiar with these thought patterns that when I identify and observe them, I quickly know that I have some work to do internally. I then follow the steps outlined above.

While this work can be challenging and uncomfortable, especially in the beginning, remember that deflection and avoidance are characteristic of the easy route – a path that allows the initial wound to fester and expand.

Truly looking beneath the surface to the core of our wounds is the work of the warrior. It’s scary shit, and it certainly isn’t easy. But it’s absolutely necessary for change.

What’s bubbling up beneath the surface and calling for your attention?

How to Increase Your Carb Intake & Address Your Fears

Be sure to check out Part I where I discuss some of the signs of a diet too low in carbohydrates and why they’re important.

This can be a touchy subject for some, so if the topic of weight loss or manipulating your diet is triggering in any way, then I don’t recommend reading the rest of this.

Please note that there is nothing wrong with eating in a caloric surplus, and it was completely fine for me at the time and can be necessary for some people when healing their bodies. Reducing my obsession with food and my fear of carbohydrates was more important to me than gaining some weight, so the tradeoff was certainly worth it, as it often is for many others.  

However, gaining weight doesn’t have to occur as part of the process (although it still may), and if I can alleviate some of that fear for women in order to get them to increase their carbohydrate intake, then I will via the information here.

As I noted in Part I of this series, I learned that calories are king when it comes to fat loss. I gained fat when I increased my carbohydrate intake due to an overall increase in calories, not the increase of carbohydrates. I was eating a sufficient amount of overall food before this increase, so when I added the carbohydrates without reducing the quantity of food elsewhere, I was then eating in a caloric surplus. In simplistic terms, I was eating a diet of moderate protein, moderate carbohydrates, and high fat.

I had subscribed to a high-fat, low-carb diet for almost a decade, so I didn’t have a barometer for a moderate or low amount of fat in my diet. It was a macronutrient I didn’t think about previously, as I was under the impression that carbohydrates were the magical ticket to fat loss or fat gain and that dietary fat could be consumed with abandon.

I knew fat has 9 calories per gram and both protein and carbs have 4 calories per gram, but I was still resistant to the validity of calories in vs. calories out determining changes in body composition. As a result, I was still consuming quite a bit of fat in addition to the carbohydrates.

There is nothing inherently wrong with a diet that consists of high amounts of both fat and carbohydrates, as everyone’s bodies, lifestyles, and goals are different. However, the amount of fat I was consuming wasn’t necessary for the function of my body. Additionally, a diet high in fat often leads to consuming a large number of calories with a low volume of food.

Changes to Fat Consumption

I decided to experiment with decreasing my dietary fat intake after I had increased my carb intake to a sufficient and healthy amount, my body had become relatively weight stable, and my bodily functions were positively consistent (i.e. consistent period, sleeping well, stable digestion, performing well in the gym).

I struggled with making these changes during the first few weeks, as I naturally gravitated towards high-fat foods after eating in this manner for years.  This is extremely common, as we often gravitate towards choices that are habitual and comfortable. However, after doing some research and practicing some awareness, I was able to find my groove with leaner cuts of meat and little to no additional fat intake.

Results of Consuming Less Fat

I learned that I felt less “sluggish” with the decreased fat intake, that the amount I had been consuming previously wasn’t necessary to the overall satisfaction I experienced from meals, and that I didn’t actually enjoy the additional fats I was consuming on a regular basis.

The butter in my coffee? Didn’t miss it, and I didn’t really enjoy it in the first place. The avocado with every meal? Not necessary for me to feel satisfied. Leaner cuts of meat? Not a problem, as fats are used when cooking all components of my meals (i.e. oil or butter being used when cooking vegetables, potatoes, meats, etc.).

However, I did realize that I need some level of fat in every meal in order to feel satisfied and energized. Meals that contain essentially no fat don’t lead to sufficient enjoyment of my meals, and I learned this through experimentation.  This means that a meal of chicken breast needs to include a slice of bacon, sprinkle of cheese, or vegetables cooked in more fat.

I often find the results above to ring true with my clients as well. It’s easy to become so indoctrinated into a way of eating that we don’t pause to consider whether or not we should be open to alternatives. Or that we may feel better and experience more enjoyment from a different approach.

This often translates into clients realizing that they don’t need as much fat in their meals as they thought, especially with the addition of the carbohydrates.

Ways to Experiment

Today, when clients are consuming a high-fat, low-carb diet and they’re already consuming an adequate number of calories, we start with the following (please note that there is certainly nuance to each individual’s circumstances and goals, so these are not hard and fast recommendations).

• Assess their activity level and preferred type of activity – those who partake in high-intensity exercise usually require more carbohydrates, in addition to those who strength train or do weightlifting. Examples of high intensity exercise include Crossfit, Orange Theory, and sprints.

o   Those who partake in long endurance sports, such as running for more than one hour, will often benefit from an increased carbohydrate intake too.

o   Activities like yoga and leisurely walking don’t require much glycogen, so we can get away with fewer carbs.

• Slowly decrease fat intake (if desired) – this might include leaving off the extra fried egg, not adding the avocado, less cheese, less dressing or one with less oil, leaner cuts of meat, or PB2 instead of peanut butter.
• Slowly increase carbohydrate intake – I usually recommend starting with one meal a day due to the fear that often coincides with this, and if you prefer a portion guideline, you can use one cupped handful per meal to start.
• Consume protein in most meals – this is especially true if you’re active. This doesn’t have to be an animal source, but protein should be a component (preferably a main one) of most meals. This contributes to increased satiety and enhanced recovery.
• Assess short-term results and adjust as needed – Start with one change at a time, journal and monitor the results (physical and emotional), and adjust as needed. This might include keeping additional fats in one meal but removing them from the rest or adding an additional serving of carbs to each meal. Everyone is different, hence the reason personalized coaching can be so helpful.
• Assess long-term results – It takes time for our bodies to adjust when making diet changes, so please don’t be alarmed if it takes a few weeks for your digestion to begin functioning optimally.  Hormone changes, specifically the regulation of menstrual cycles, can take several months.  However, changes to sleep, mood, recovery, and athletic performance should occur rather quickly.

There is always nuance in diets and recommendations, so I can’t make specific recommendations for every situation in this post, but this is a general starting point for most people. Experimentation and adjusting based on results is an absolutely necessary part of the process, so don’t expect to nail down the optimal consumption of carbs, fats, and proteins right away.

How does this differ from obsessively tracking foods?  The goal and intent behind making and monitoring these changes is entirely different. We’re assessing our current nutritional choices in an effort to FEEL better, to provide our bodies with adequate and appropriate fuel, and to unlearn the multitude of rules we learned along the dieting road. NOT to exercise control or distract ourselves from uncomfortable emotions and situations.

We should view this as an opportunity to become more in sync with our bodies and to learn about their specific needs.

If this sounds too complicated, too obsessive, or like it requires too much brain power, especially if you’re in a place of wanting to free yourself from food obsession, then please don’t feel like this is a requirement right now. Our journeys to food and body freedom take time. All changes don’t need to occur within a condensed timeframe, and they certainly don’t need to occur simultaneously.

Unlearning all of the diet rules we’ve internalized is a process, and it requires a sufficient amount of mental energy and awareness in the beginning. However, after the initial “relearning” of what our bodies need, we’ll be more in sync than ever before, not to mention better equipped to respond to changes in the future. And we’ll be enjoying a hell of a lot more carbs tooJ

Carbohydrates - Do You Need to Eat More?

Oatmeal is now a mainstay in my diet, particularly before workouts!

I fully believe in releasing neurotic behaviors and thought patterns around nutrition and our diets in order to live at ease in our bodies and fulfill our potential in life, and this often includes paying attention to and/or counting macronutrients (fats, carbs, proteins). However, when working to overcome food and body obsessions, it can be incredibly frustrating to still feel physically unwell despite our best efforts to feel otherwise.

Feeling well physically lends itself to so much more ease around food, as we feel synergistic with our bodies. It reinforces the notion that we’re working in tandem, and it’s incredibly empowering too.

As I worked to overcome my own food and body obsessions, I continued to feel physically unwell despite my best efforts to eat a nourishing diet and listen to my body. I didn’t realize that I was still subscribing to the dogmatic, low-carb approach I was exposed to ten years prior, and my body and mind were paying the price.  While I wanted to pay LESS attention to my diet, I realized I had to pay more attention to my carbohydrate intake.

I was exposed the concept of eating a low carb diet in high school when my parents’ personal trainer told us about the latest and greatest way to shed weight quickly. I had zero concept of nutrition at this point, and he was in a position of authority, so I blindly listened to his advice. Per his recommendation, I was to eat no more than 15 grams of carbs per meal and to eat every 3-4 hours, which typically led to 4-5 meals and 60-75 grams of carbs per day.

During this time, I was also attending group fitness classes at his gym with my family and a few family friends, and all classes were high-intensity in nature. Classes typically included sprints on the rower, jump squats and lunges, battle ropes, kettlebell swings, ball slams, etc. We moved quickly from one movement to the next and had minimal rest, so my heartrate was spiked during the majority of the 30-minute classes.

What were the results of this low-carb diet coupled with a high-intensity exercise regimen?

I lost 10-15 pounds over the course of six months, stopped getting my period completely, experienced severe moodiness, dry skin, brittle nails, poor digestion, awful sleep, an inability to sit down to a meal without overanalyzing its carbohydrate content, and an obsession with completing high-intensity exercise every single day. My ease around food vanished the minute I began this low carbohydrate way of eating.

A few things I didn’t know at the time:

• High-intensity exercise requires glycogen. Our bodies convert the glucose from carbohydrates into glycogen, and this is then stored in the liver or muscles if not immediately utilized.
• Carbohydrates are important to the development of strength and muscle growth.
• A diet too low in carbohydrates can disrupt and/or slow digestion.
• Females tend to be more sensitive to decreased carbohydrate intake, and our hormones often respond in kind. I.e. our periods become irregular or stop completely, as was the case for me.
• A diet too low in carbohydrates can lead to brittle nails, dry skin, poor sleep, and moodiness. I literally turned into a different (often terrible) human-being with zero patience and a short temper, and I had difficulty falling and staying asleep.
• Calories in vs. calories out leads to fat loss. Gary Taubes’ book “Good Calories, Bad Calories” had recently been released, and this touted the notion that calories don’t actually matter for fat loss, which I now know to be false. Macronutrients (carbs, protein, fat) do affect our bodies differently due to a variety of factors, but calories reign supreme in the end when it comes to fat loss.
• Carbohydrates hold water in the body. For every 1g of carbohydrates consumed, the body tends to retain approximately 3g of water. Conversely, reducing carbohydrates in one’s diet leads to a decrease in water retention. As a result, those following a low-carb diet often experience rapid weight loss due to the loss of water.  Which leads me to my next point
• Weight loss does not equal fat loss. It’s common to see the scale drop 5+ lbs. in one week for those new to a low-carb diet, and this is largely due to losing water. For many, this is the incentive they need to continue pushing forward, as they’re under the false impression that all of it is fat. Losing more than 1% of your body weight per week increases the likelihood of losing muscle, so this wouldn’t be an ideal situation anyways.
• Greatly reducing or eliminating one macronutrient often leads to demonizing certain foods and a poor relationship comprised of fear, resentment, and guilt.

It took hours, days, and months of reflection, researching, and experimentation to discover and finally believe that carbohydrates are not the root of all evil for our body composition or health.

I was finally fed up with my fear of carbs and subsequent guilt after eating them, my poor and declining performance in Crossfit, brain fog, low energy, brittle nails, and a missing period, so I decided to start adding carbohydrates back into my diet. I was TERRIFIED of what the results would be, largely due to my fear of gaining weight, but my declining health, poor quality of life, and my tumultuous relationship with food eventually became more cumbersome than the idea of adding some weight to my frame.

During this time, my diet was based on the popular Paleo templates of vegetables, meat, and additional fats. My breakfast usually consisted of eggs, bacon, and greens; my lunch and dinners included vegetables, fatty cuts of meat, and often additional fats like avocado, butter, or nut butter. I enjoyed the occasional sweet potato with dinner, but that was the extent of my carbohydrate intake.

I started adding a small serving of carbohydrates to each meal, such as a cupped handful of rice, potatoes, or sweet potato. I enjoyed oatmeal before my workouts, and I often had a post-workout smoothie that included fruits. I was eating more carbohydrates than I had been in ten years, and the rest of my diet remained fairly consistent.

The Results

Within a few weeks I had gained 5 pounds, and I stopped stepping on the scale after that point. I began to mull over the potential reasons for the weight gain. Was it water weight? Was I actually gaining fat? Would it stop or would it continue? I didn’t know the answers at the time, but I kept trucking along in hopes that my body and weight would stabilize.

My fear and guilt around carbs had also lessened significantly by this point, and I wasn’t willing to give up my newfound ease around these foods for the sake of the scale. However, I knew in the back of my mind that there would be a tipping point for my weight gain, and I would likely adjust my diet again if my weight crept up to a point where I was no longer comfortable. I didn’t place a number on this, but the sentiment was lurking in the back of my mind. Still, I continued with my experiment.

While I still didn’t step on the scale again until a year later, my weight eventually stabilized around three months later as evidenced by the way my clothes fit. I would estimate a total weight gain of ten pounds. Some of this was water, and some of it was fat.

Six months after my initial increase in carbs, my period returned after being absent for two years. This was a HUGE win for me, and I decided in that moment that I would never return to a low-carb way of eating again (barring health conditions that warrant this protocol).

As a long-time sufferer of digestive issues, I wasn’t surprised by the bloating I experienced when adding in the carbohydrates. However, this subsided within a few months, and I was utterly shocked by the overall improvement in my digestion after the initial adjustment period. I was no longer experiencing nightly bloating and frequent constipation.

In the gym, I started adding weight to my lifts rather quickly, and this came after I had remained stagnant for many months. I was working hard previously, so it wasn’t for lack of effort, but I simply wasn’t providing my body with the fuel it needed to get through high-intensity CrossFit workouts or build strength. I was able to make it through difficult workouts much more easily with the addition of my new friends, and I got my first pull-up within two months of increasing my carbohydrate intake.

I was finally able to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep throughout the night. Today, shitty sleep is an early sign for me that my carbohydrate intake has dipped too low.

My mood became much more consistent, and that means consistently positive, motivated, and patient. My brain fog began to dissipate, and my nails stopped peeling and got stronger.

Some of these improvements may be attributable to an overall increase in calories.  I can’t say with any certainty due to the lack of data I have from these points in time, as I wasn’t tracking my carbohydrate or overall calorie intake. However, with many of my clients, an increase in carbohydrates with a net-neutral effect on calories has resulted in the same improvements.  This is purely anecdotal though.

As always, nuance and context are very important when it comes to nutrition. For some, a decrease in carbohydrates will be beneficial, whereas an increase might be the key to improving someone’s health and well-being, as was the case for me.

Stay tuned for Part II where I discuss how I recommend increasing carbohydrate intake with my clients, nuanced recommendations, and what I would have done differently myself!