You don't have to pursue weight loss right now

I love everything about the Fall and Winter seasons, which means taking full advantage of all festivities and everything they have to offer! As long as I'm feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally balanced, then I'm good.

The fall is almost upon us, and with this time of year comes football, holidays, travel, and festive gatherings. Essentially, really good food and booze start to roll in, and there are often plenty of reasons for us to celebrate.

This isn’t to say the Summer season isn’t filled with the same, but people tend to be more conscious of their choices due to the clothing attire accompanying the season. The colder months usher in heavier food (and hopefully red wine), and I’m allll about it!

Many of the women I work with are beginning to fret about the upcoming seasons.

• “I love Fall and Winter foods, and I tend to eat more of them.”
• “Football season is my favorite, and I love to eat the snacks and drink the beer.”
• “I really enjoy my wine nights in the Winter.”
• “I bake so many seasonal treats during this time of the year, and I really want to enjoy them.”
• “Holiday parties are my favorite!”

To anyone not stressing about their food choices or their weight, these statements seems innocent enough. All of these statements should be celebrated, right?

To the chronic dieter or food obsessed, these are relayed with a sense of stress and panic. Wanting to enjoy the season to the fullest is the ultimate source of internal conflict—

I want to change my body, but I also want to live my life!

I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to pursue weight loss right now. You can actually take a break—permanently or temporarily—from pursuing body changes.

For many, living in a state of constantly thinking about diet manipulation is the norm, so to consider actually living life and thinking about other things is absurd. But there are certainly some benefits.

• Eating more food will allow your body to reset hormonally if you’ve been living in a chronic deficit.
• You can crush your workouts with the extra fuel.
• You may actually find that the weight loss you’re so desperately seeking isn’t what you really want—it’s giving yourself permission to actually live your life.
• You get to experience everything the season has to offer to the fullest. 
• You’ll give yourself the opportunity to enjoy your favorite foods and booze in a way that aligns with your physical well-being—not an aesthetic goal. This means honoring a balance between enjoyment and nourishment. Essentially, this is an opportunity to practice.
• You can utilize this time to get crystal clear regarding your priorities. If you find that enjoying the season is more of a priority than changing your body, then that’s extremely valuable information.

That last point is important, as we often don’t take the opportunity to look up and ask ourselves if our autopilot manner of thinking is what we really want for ourselves.

Do I really want to be sacrificing the seasonal food, wine, beer, or the social outings? Or am I blindly following the societal programming I’ve been given that tells me I should constantly be moving towards a better physique?

If you answer these questions honestly, you may in-fact find that you don’t give a shit about changing your body right now, and that’s more than OK!

It’s tempting for us to feel ashamed when we’d rather eat and drink than lose weight, but that’s simply a product of societal conditioning. YOU get the make the choices you want for your body and your life, and you also get to change them whenever you feel necessary.

There’s nothing that says we have to be in a constant state of betterment of our bodies.

There isn’t anything that says we need to feel shame in response to wanting to change them either. My only suggestion is that you ask yourself if NOW is the time to do so. Is pursuing aesthetic goals really in alignment with your true desires at the moment?

If not—let it go. The opportunity to pick it back up will always be waiting for you if you so choose. In the meantime, go on and live your damn life and enjoy the wine, the festivities, and the heavy food to the fullest.

Can you allow the sh*t times to level you UP?

We’re so quick to wish the present moment away as our minds drift into the past or future. We may think we only do this during the bad times, which is understandable, but we put this into practice during the good times too when we’re not immersed in awareness.

During the good times, we begin to worry about the future and how it will pull us away from the enjoyment of the present moment.

I truly believe detachment is useful and necessary, as everything will eventually change, but we also don’t want to miss what’s right in front of us.

During the bad times, we want to wish them away and usher in the next comfortable season. Which is only natural—but is it useful? Do we grow from the cushy, warm, comforting times?

Without the bad, we aren’t able to relish in (or even experience) the good, and we aren’t able to develop into the humans we’re meant to be either.

Rather than lamenting about our current shitty situation, can we lean into it and choose to gain something from it?

My body, and often my mind, haven’t felt like my own for several months of this year. I believe a lot of this has to do with the Hashimoto’s and generally running myself into the ground, but I can’t say with absolute certainty.

Now that I’ve experienced vast improvements since May (I want to be sure of the consistent improvements before sharing what I did), I’m honestly grateful for the experience.

• I’m much more in tune with my body and my health.
• I know that it’s not worth it to sacrifice my health for the sake of ego, vanity, or the comfort of routine.
• I’ve slowed the fuck down. This is primarily physically, but also mentally.
• I received a lovely reminder of the practice of detachment from my appearance and physical capabilities.
• I’m better equipped to guide others who are struggling with a similar experience.
• I learned to lean on others and learned who really cared when I wasn’t my usual, positive self.
• I was reminded of how strong and capable I am.
• Probably most importantly, I was reminded that the shit times will come, they happen for our betterment, and they’ll pass.

To that last point, we may as well sit with whatever we’re experiencing and use it to our advantage, no?

If I reflect on the times that have really shaped me during my 29 years, they haven’t been the rosy times—although they carry great memories. I am the human I am because of the challenges, and as I learn to embrace them, there is so much less to fear.

I write this with the intention of reminding all of us, including myself, that every one of us experiences the dark, shitty times, and if we really dig deep and sit with the emotions of those experiences, it will be time and energy well spent.

If the darkness is going to come anyways, and it inevitably will for each and every one of us, we should soak up as much as we can from the experience while it lasts.

We can choose to level ourselves up as a result. How’s that for taking back our power?

Let your Identity Die If You Want to Reach Your Goals

The way we adhere to our unproductive and often-harmful narratives holds us back in so many ways.

• I don’t know how to control myself around food.
• I’m an obsessive eater.
• I’m not a disciplined person.
• I’m a control freak.
• I don’t know how to motivate myself.
• I’m too shy to talk to new people.
• I always give up on myself, so that will never work.
• I failed at that before, so I’m a failure.
• I’m closed-off, insecure, lazy, unpleasant, unworthy, un-loveable, [enter negative story].

We all define ourselves with the adjectives and words we have available, and we’re usually doing this unconsciously. Oftentimes, we’ve assumed these narratives from someone else—potentially someone we held in high regard.

Or perhaps we made a decision that wasn’t in alignment with our true, deeper values, such as lying, cheating, gossiping, failing to adhere to our responsibilities, or procrastinating, and we allow that one instance to define us. Every one of us has been here!

Rather than detaching from that one behavior, or even a series of behaviors, we begin to assume these behaviors as our identities. Rather than saying “I was emotional, zoned out, and over-ate.”, we tell ourselves, “I am an overeater”.

If we tell ourselves the latter, how do you think we’re going to act next time?

We’ll likely act in alignment with what we believe to be who we are.

We’d rather not experience the discomfort of misalignment with our “identities”, despite the harm we’re inflicting upon ourselves.

The truth is, we can reinvent ourselves at any time. Sure, there are characteristics and limitations that are hardwired into us (nature), but even then, I believe we can learn how to make subtle changes that enable us to use these to our benefit. Or at least temper them.

By adhering to these narrow definitions of ourselves, we immediately remove the possibility of experiencing personal growth and evolution.

I clung tightly to my identity as an obsessive and neurotic eater who couldn’t be trusted to make my own decisions around food, and all of my behaviors were consistent with this narrative.

By assuming this as my identity, I didn’t have to take responsibility for my own decisions, and I succumbed to this definition of WHO I was, rather than looking at my choices as simply behaviors. And behaviors are malleable.

It wasn’t until I took responsibility for the ability to write my own damn story that I was able to make changes counter to this notion of myself.

Slowly but surely, I grew to understand and accept that I was perpetuating my own suffering.

As another example, we may have made “practical” decisions at one point in our lives that truly felt right to us at the time (or didn’t, but we made them anyways), and before we know it, we and others have labeled ourselves as “practical”.

There isn’t a lot of wiggle room there, so what happens when our heart and soul are begging us to make decisions that are more unconventional? An identity crisis.

Begin to Detach

Instead of clinging to these words and stories, what would happen if we began to separate them from our identities?

There would be a world of possibilities! And a lot more personal responsibility. Rather than believing we are the victim of pre-determined traits and qualities, we would then be forced to reconcile with the fact that we’re actively playing a part in our stories. Initially uncomfortable, but also liberating AF.

How does one do this?

• Take an honest inventory and make a list of the words and narratives you use to define yourself.
• Ask yourself if you’re happy and in alignment with them. Are they serving you today and where you want to be in the future?
• Be radically honest about how you’re responsible for perpetuating the story. Taking responsibility for this can be frustrating and painful, but it’s worth it! (reminding myself here)
• Write down the behaviors you prefer to exhibit. ***We don’t want to get attached to another identity here—so focus on behaviors only.***
• Remind yourself that your identity is always malleable (and perhaps false altogether), and this is a constant process of reinvention.
• Put these new behaviors into action! This process takes time, but the belief that they can change is hugely transformational in itself.

In order to grow beyond our current struggles and our current versions of ourselves, we have to be willing to let our labels and narratives die. To let the former and current versions of ourselves die.  This can be scary as hell, but it can also the source of a new beginning whenever we’re ready and willing.

Focusing on Food BEHAVIORS & Why Decreasing Intense Exercise is Helpful When Healing Our Relationships with Food

Yoga and walking were the only activities I did for a few months while I honed and solidified my eating behaviors.

I distinctly remember my first foray into intuitive eating. I was living at home in Albuquerque, NM with my parents after graduating college while I studied for my CPA exam, and my body and mind were utterly exhausted from years of binge drinking and obsessing over my body and food.

After years of following rules, counting carbs, starving then binging, and soaking up every latest-and-greatest celebrity diet, I decided to turn inward. I declared that my body would be my guide while I leveraged a few loose (very loose) guidelines.

My main prerogative was normalizing my relationship with food, so I focused on my behaviors:

• Eating when hungry; stopping before I was full
• Bringing awareness to when I was eating out of boredom or another emotion
• Paying attention to my habits of mindless eating and snacking
• Asking myself if my choice now was worth the consequences later (it certainly was at times)
• Only engaging in calming and stress-free physical activity, which included yoga and walking

That last item is key, because had I engaged in my usual exercise routine of high-intensity interval training (HIIT) and long runs, it would have been much more difficult to practice and solidify the aforementioned behaviors.

Intense physical activity can be a hell of a lot of fun, but it forces us to pay more attention to our food, lest we risk feeling like crap, throwing our bodies out of balance, and experiencing subpar or decreasing performance.

If we’re demanding a lot out of our bodies, it makes sense that we have to fuel them appropriately via adequate calories, protein, carbs and fat. This means paying more attention to our food, not less.

For someone overcoming obsessive and neurotic food behaviors, this isn’t ideal.

Where to Start

Overdoing exercise often works in tandem with restrictive food behaviors, so releasing both at the same time can be unsettling.

However, trust me when I say that this puts you on the fast track to understanding your body, normalizing your relationship with food, and then being able to return to your usual fitness habits (if you so choose) with a much more enjoyable counterpart: the fuel.

So, where do you start?

By slowly scaling back your intense activity and replacing it with more stress-free movement:

• Slow walking (no power walking)
• Yoga (no sculpt or intense power yoga)
• Strength training (that doesn’t go to failure and leaves plenty of rest between sets)
• Leisurely hikes
• Any mildly strenuous outdoor activity, like skiing, snowboarding, or rock climbing. Bonus points for the calming effects of nature!

If you’re currently exercising five days per week intensely, replace three of those days with one of the activities mentioned above. Please note that this doesn’t mean walking for hours either—the goal is less, not more!

Notice I’m not asking you to completely remove your favorite activity—simply to scale back temporarily.

Utilize this time to reconnect with your body and SLOW DOWN. It’s really difficult to connect and listen when we’re moving a mile a minute. Which I understand is many of our baselines, but try to keep your eye on the long-term goal here:

To be able to return to your intense activity with a newfound understanding of your body, how to fuel it, and your food behaviors—all while approaching it with a sense of calm, trust, and ease.

Weight loss is often an ancillary result of this approach too, which is shocking to most clients (as it was for me in the beginning too).

We’re taught that more is better, both in volume and intensity, but that simply isn’t true. Our bodies aren’t mechanical machines—they’re independent ecosystems that are always trying to find a place of peace and balance.

It’s amazing what can happen when we finally meet them there and decide to be on the same team.

Sounds pretty nice, right?

Before you jump into tracking macros or trying another restrictive diet that promises to provide all of your answers, ask yourself if your behaviors around food are sound.

These are the building blocks for any changes you’ll make going forward—take the time now to build your foundation.

As my dad used to tell me as a child after I attempted every short-cut in the book during my first go-round:

“Do it right the first time, and you’ll save yourself so much time in the end.”

-       Bill

Maintenance Caloric Intake - What It Is & Why It's Magical

The concept of eating at maintenance caloric intake is a tremendously underutilized tool, particularly for women.

In fact, when I ask women what it looks and feels like to eat at a maintenance intake, most look at me like I have two heads.

What the hell does maintenance even mean?

We work harder by cutting more and more calories, but this backfires at some point.

This is the caloric intake at which our bodies are neither gaining nor losing weight. In the land of dieting, we often forget about this magical state. We’re brainwashed and/or misled into thinking that if we’re not restricting and actively dieting, then the only other option is to gain weight.

NOT true.

Eating at maintenance provides a slew of amazing benefits, and this is especially true for women who have been dieting for extended periods of time and aren’t seeing the results they want in the gym.

1.     More energy and brain power

Under-eating, or eating below maintenance caloric intake, can cause symptoms that begin to become our new normal if we do it for long enough. A notable one is experiencing low energy in the form of brain fog or general physical fatigue, and the positive effects are often immediately felt after increasing food intake to maintenance levels.

2.     Gains in strength, muscle mass & performance

As someone who already struggles to put on strength and muscle mass (and let’s be real—most women have a far more difficult time putting on muscle than males), this is especially important. Have you been working your ass off in the gym, only to have nothing to show for your results?

I’ve been there, and it took a LOT of convincing myself to finally increase my food intake in an effort to see some gains. (Full disclosure: this didn’t happen until about 2 years ago, and progress is still super slow). However, it just isn’t possible for many of us to eat at a deficit and gain muscle mass unless we’re fairly new to training.

This is why it’s common to see transformations of women who are new to healthy eating and resistance or strength training. They lose fat and gain muscle at the same time—however, this occurs less frequently the longer we’ve been training consistently.

Aside from gaining strength and muscle mass, improved performance in conditioning workouts (such as Crossfit, Orange Theory, HIIT, endurance) can be felt almost immediately.

3.     Restoration of metabolic and hormonal function

Our bodies evolved to protect us from starvation, so hormones increase or decrease (depending on their function) while when we’re in a calorie deficit, and our metabolisms slow.

This is essentially done by decreasing our NEAT—non-exercise activity thermogenesis—i.e. we move less throughout the day. 

This means we need to decrease our intake, or increase our deficit, to continue to see fat loss. Eventually, we find ourselves in a hole, where our caloric intake is quite low, we’re not losing fat, we’re not gaining muscle, and we feel like total dog shit.

We may also experience low libido, missing or irregular periods, low thyroid function, poor digestion, and awful sleep.

At this point, the only way to go is up, and you may just gain back your hormonal and metabolic vitality. HUGE win!

4.     Establishing body fat set point

Our bodies tend to find “set points”, or body fat percentages where they’re comfortable and don’t easily fluctuate from.  Some experience this by not being able to hold a higher weight, while others experience the opposite.

The longer we remain at any given weight while consuming an appropriate number of calories (i.e. this won’t work if we’re always under-eating), our bodies adapt and re-establish the set point. This means we have more flexibility with our take when our bodies feel safe by way of adequate intake, as opposed to constantly feeling stressed.

Note: this appears to be largely anecdotal at this time, but many experience this phenomenon.

5.     MORE FOOD

I think this speaks for itself if you love food like I do, as this girl has a big ol’ appetite.

If you’ve been undereating consistently for a long period of time, as many women have been (and I did), then it can be scary to eat more out of fear of gaining weight. But it can also be magical, as your cravings will likely decrease, and you’ll settle in to a more consistent and fulfilling relationship with food.

This might include keeping your “standard” choices the same, or keeping your meals consistent, but adding in dessert more often, enjoying more cocktails, etc. OR you may want to beef up each of your meals OR any combination of these two approaches!

Overcoming Fear of Fat Gain

One of the biggest complaints I hear from women regarding this concept is the fear of gaining fat. There is absolutely nothing wrong with gaining fat, and someone women actually need to for health reasons, but we don’t have to increase our calories to the point of fat gain if we don’t want to.

How does one accomplish this feat?

By slowly adding food back. This is much easier if you have somewhat of a routine already in place when it comes to food, as you can simply add 100-200 calories every week to your daily total.

Please note that this is different for everyone, so this is very much a starting point. You will have to pay attention to the feedback from your body! A few lbs. are completely normal due to increased water and food mass—i.e. it doesn’t mean fat gain. Start with 100 calories per day, and if you’re relatively weight stable, begin to add more and repeat until you observe fat gain via the scale, clothing, mirror, etc.

Time to Build Your Balanced Baseline

After increasing calories to maintenance, we want to ensure we’re developing sound habits. After under-eating for extended periods of time, many women have skewed perspectives of how much food they actually need to eat, so re-establishing an appropriate intake is essential.

I discuss strategies to find your balanced baseline here, and it’s important to take the time to discover what this looks like for you.

Why?

Because you’ll be enjoying life while spending less time and precious mental energy thinking about your food, and you’ll also feel a million times better. What’s not to love, right?

Once you have remained at this caloric intake for several months, your hormones should be normalized—if not optimized—your energy is high, your mood and sleep are great, digestion is rocking, and gym performance is on par with your goals (or at the very least you feel great during and afterwards).

You are then in a much better position to make changes to your body if you so choose.

Want to add muscle? Great—start with 100-200 calories per day and see how your body responds.

Want to lose fat? Great—start by decreasing your intake by 200-300 calories per day and increasing your activity via walking a couple times per week and see how your body responds.

By discovering and hanging out at maintenance for at least 3-6 months, your body will be primed to make changes down the road.  This is starkly different from continuing to decrease your current caloric intake when you’ve been trucking along at a notable deficit for months or years on end, only to binge, rebound, and develop a tumultuous relationship with food.

Is this approach sexy? Not to the mainstream, as we don’t see physical fat loss results in 12 weeks.

More often than not, we’re staying the same (if not gaining a couple) BEFORE we can see fat loss results down the road.

But an elevated mood, physical performance, optimized hormones, better cognitive function, and a stable and nourishing relationship with food sound sexy as hell to me.

As much as your current thought patterns will attempt to convince you otherwise, I encourage you to play the long game. Your future self with thank you!

The Importance of Seasons - It's OK for Our Bodies to Have Them Too!

I’m in a season right now in my life, and my body reflects that. We all go through these seasons, yet we often feel the urge to resist them—as though everything in life is supposed to be tightly controlled and maintained.

I do this too, yet with every season’s passing, I’m reminded of just how little control I have in this life. The only thing within my grasp is how I choose to respond, so I lessen my grip on the external, little by little.

It’s easy to fuse certain parts of our lives into our identities—people, places, things, the state of our bodies. Which is a huge reason why we’re often so resistant to the change.

During the good times, we want everything to remain static for as long as possible. During the bad times, we want the change to come more quickly than is natural. We tend to forget that it was always meant to be this way.

I’m beginning to view the seasons in my life—with people, my body, my career, my priorities—with a new-found appreciation, as I learn something new in every single one. Although, admittedly, it can be so damn difficult to view things through this lens while we’re in the midst of it.

Don’t like your job? Work towards what really lights you up while you learn as much as you can in your current position. This may be an opportunity to learn the art of patience, trust, and persistence while you embrace what you currently have.

Dealing with health struggles? Focus on what your body may be telling you if it’s within your control, and use it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. If it’s beyond your realm of control, use it as an opportunity to practice surrender and to strengthen your mind.

Your body has changed? It’s OK, mine too! We can view this as an opportunity to challenge what we believe to be true about our own self-worth, how we respond to the opinions of others, and how to speak kindly to ourselves. We can challenge ourselves to fully accept what it is right now without wishing it away.

Relationship changes? We can marvel at the positive memories, and we can challenge ourselves to appreciate the growth we’re currently experiencing through increased patience, forgiveness, or stronger boundaries, perhaps.

Seasons of our Bodies

As this relates to the states of our bodies, they can ebb and flow with the actual seasons of the planet. Not due to some metaphysical forces, but because our lives and priorities often shift in tandem.

The summer is often rife with social gatherings, vacations, drinks on rooftops, and barbecues, and spending time being active outdoors is often more appealing than being inside a gym. We may gain a few lbs. or lose a bit of strength or muscle—it’s all OK!

Winter is associated with holiday gatherings and heavier food choices, and it may involve some extra gym time depending on our location. We may feel the desire to focus on building strength and lessening stress on our bodies through meaningful connection with others, downtime indoors, and amply fueling our bodies. Some fat and/or muscle gain may be associated with this time of the year—it’s all OK!

Spring and Fall are transitional seasons that are often great opportunities to dive more deeply into a routine and work towards our goals—we may slim down as a result or we may not. It’s all OK!

Each one of these seasons brings something magical with it, and if we’re holding on so tightly to one iteration of our bodies, we risk missing out the beauty of these various times of the year.

Or unique live events (like becoming a new parent, weddings, or extended travel).

We risk neglecting the present for the sake of control.

Someone once said to me,

“Appreciate the good times, because they’ll come to an end. Don’t worry about the bad times, because they’ll come to an end too.”

My initial reaction to this statement was fear, as I want to hold onto the good times for dear life, but this was proceeded by a sense of calm.

Accepting that nothing in this life is guaranteed and static can be a tremendous source of fear and discomfort, or it can be an amazing source of adventure and ease. The choice is ours, really.

If you find yourself in a season you would typically categorize as unpleasant with your body, your food, your health, or your mindset, ask yourself if you can reframe it.

Can you choose to accept it fully for what it is in the present moment? And trust that a new season will come?

When we begin to look at things through this lens, we may begin to understand that it’s not that serious (shout out to Neghar Fonooni).

Our assumption is often that the various aspects of our lives and bodies were never meant to change in the first place, and this mindset is what makes it ALL SO SERIOUS.

The unwillingness to flow and the aversion to change is what makes it ALL SO SERIOUS.

For those type-A perfectionists out there, I feel you, and I am one of you. And this is one of the most healing things we can do for ourselves.

Create the structure, practice the discipline, and do the work, but take a step back and marvel at the notion that you don’t have to bare the weight of that which can’t be controlled.

Can We Stop Complimenting Each Other on Our Bodies?

Most of us grew up witnessing women comment on other women’s bodies, and we see it all too often today as adults.

These usually were comments of adoration or jealousy after someone lost a few pounds or “toned up”, in addition to snarky remarks about those who gained weight or who didn’t fit their ideal of what a woman should look like.

These comments slowly solidify themselves in our subconscious, although few of us are aware of this as it’s taking place. We begin to understand that thinner is better, and gaining weight warrants mean-spirited discussions behind another woman’s back.

We (hopefully) understand that speaking negatively about another women’s body is inappropriate, mean-spirited, and is simply a reflection of the perpetrator’s own insecurities and hang-ups.

However, we rarely consider the consequences of compliments.

They seem innocent enough, right? In fact, many would argue that it’s better to pay a compliment to another rather than keep it to oneself. Why wouldn’t we make an effort to make someone feel better about themselves?

Because this is where many obsessions and eating disorders begin.

Many of the women I work with, in addition to those in my personal circle, lament on the compliments that kicked their hustle for the ideal body into high gear.

They began their health and/or weight loss journey as a result of their own preferences for themselves, and once the weight loss was in motion or achieved, the compliments rolled in.

“Oh my gosh, you look so good! What have you been doing?”

“You look so skinny—you look amazing.”

“You are body goals. I want a body like yours.”

These comments are often said before asking how anything else in the woman’s life is progressing, too. Talk about a hierarchy of values, no?

Panic then ensues. Did everyone think I looked bad before? Does everyone like me better now? Are they only interested in me because of the weight I lost?

I have to maintain this or I’m going to lose their interest/attention/love/acceptance!

If weight is gained, the compliments cease, and they may even be told not to worry—that they’ll lose the weight again soon.  And the notion that their worth is tied to their body is solidified.

They begin to believe that people only see, value, and love them for their appearance.

We Don’t Know the Whole Story

Furthermore, changes in weight can be the result of a multitude of scenarios, both positive and negative, including divorce, death, illness, stress, or an increase in happiness.

We don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors.

The woman who lost weight may be suffering tremendously inside due to circumstances that have nothing to do with her physical form, or she may be deep in the throes of an eating disorder.

Does complimenting her on her body send the right message in any of these situations? I don’t believe so.

We could argue that this is the responsibility of the recipient, and there is certainly some onus on each of us to filter both compliments and insults alike.

However, can we wrap our heads around the idea that our compliments to other women regarding their bodies may be doing more harm than good?

It’s a foggy line, to be sure, and I have been on both sides of the fence.

Today, I don’t comment on another woman’s body unless I have a deep and established relationship with her and am privy to the motivations and circumstances behind the changes.

The last thing I would ever want to do is further cement another’s belief that all I value her for is her body, or that the circumstances that led to these changes are less deserving of my attention than the result itself.

The vast majority of us have been conditioned to pay these compliments, and while they’re often well meaning, they may be doing more harm than good.

There are SO MANY more important things about each of us, and so many of us are just waiting for the space and nurturing environment to show them. Instead of commenting on a woman’s weight loss, ask her about her life.

See her as a human being first—a body second.

How is her family? Her relationships? Her career? Her travels and recent fun adventures? What has she learned or read recently? What is she struggling with?

Focusing on the qualities that truly matter in each of us prior to the superficial will do us all a world of good.